A matelot dancing around Jo's spots (unbelievably) a nice looking bird in the corner. He asks her if she'd like a drink to which she replies
"To be honest do you just fancy taking me home?"
So he takes her home and gets invited in, she asks
"Do you mind me asking, but are you a sailor?"
At this point he knows he has blown it but tells her that he is indeed a sailor
"Oh that's great, my grandad was a sailor - you're the first one I've ever met! Do you smoke?"
Well Jack's over the moon and he answers yes whereby she goes out into the kitchen and brings out 100 Blue Liners!
"You can have these if you like, I don't smoke and they've been in the cupboard for ages! Do you drink?"
Well Jack asks for a lager but she comes back with a bottle of pussers rum. At this point he looks up to the heaven and thanks the God of Jack for this goldmine!
"Do you mind if I slip into something more comfertable" she asks to Jack's delight
When she returns she is wearing a see through nightie with every ship, past and present on the hem. Jack can't believe his luck now, then she purrs at him
"Do you want to come through to the bedroom and play a little game?"
Jack replies

"**** me - you got UCKERS as well!?"
Close call.

I used to live next door to a bloke wiv' an essence daughter aged 20. She came round our house once,
knocked on the door and I answered it.
"Hello Billy....", she said
"Errrrr....Ummmmmm...Hi there", I muttered.
"Listen haven't seen anyone lurking in our garden recently have you?", she enquired
" - why do you ask?", I replied
"Well...some pervert is stealing my underwear off the washing line, and y'know what my dad's like....", she said.
"", said I.
"Well, y'know he's ex Army Special Forces - he says if he catches the bastard he's going to rip his balls off".

**** me! I almost shat her pants.

* * * * * *
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
rod-gearing Diamond Lil's 49
T Diamond Lil's 42
J Diamond Lil's 10

Similar threads

Latest Threads