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Tramps. The Real Vermin?

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
Tramps. Now they have their uses. Mainly in the amusement department. I, for one, am constantly fascinated when they argue with themselves, scratch like a Harlem DJ on crystal meth, shout abuse and soil themselves. That alone is worth the price of a cup of tea. But are we missing something here?

When the word vermin is mentioned, you could be forgiven for thinking of things like foxes, rats, pigeons, squirrels, chavs or even the RAF. Look how the aforementioned vermin have evolved. They have got bigger, move around in packs, are immune to various poisons and are increasing in numbers. A sobering thought.

Back to tramps, if we are not careful, an Ubertramp will evolve. He will ask for £10 for a cup of tea, will smell like a Bosnian war grave, have enough fodder in his beard to feed Napoleons Armee du Nord, lay turds that could be confused for ships and forget having a map of Africa on the front of his trousers, it will be a map of the Universe. The time has come for action. I will be out tonight culling as much of this vermin in London as possible. Any suggestions?
 
Blackrat said:
Tramps. Now they have their uses. Mainly in the amusement department. I, for one, am constantly fascinated when they argue with themselves, scratch like a Harlem DJ on crystal meth, shout abuse and soil themselves. That alone is worth the price of a cup of tea. But are we missing something here?

When the word vermin is mentioned, you could be forgiven for thinking of things like foxes, rats, pigeons, squirrels, chavs or even the RAF. Look how the aforementioned vermin have evolved. They have got bigger, move around in packs, are immune to various poisons and are increasing in numbers. A sobering thought.

Back to tramps, if we are not careful, an Ubertramp will evolve. He will ask for £10 for a cup of tea, will smell like a Bosnian war grave, have enough fodder in his beard to feed Napoleons Armee du Nord, lay turds that could be confused for ships and forget having a map of Africa on the front of his trousers, it will be a map of the Universe. The time has come for action. I will be out tonight culling as much of this vermin in London as possible. Any suggestions?

Of course many of them are ex servicement who have failed to fit back into civilian life.
 

brigham600

War Hero
First stop The Embankment, then shuffle along The Strand. This should get you a nice few easy kills early doors.
 

JonnoJonno

Banned
Find two tramps, one more infirm than the other. Give the infirm one a can of special brew, and the stronger of the two a cheap Opinel knife. Sit back and watch
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
In the summer months I have been known to Walt as a tramp.

There is a fantastic park bench drinking society near me and I find it is a worthy hobby. The costs are minimal and the dress code is relaxed.

I suggest you give it a try before you are so quick to judge.
 
I enjoy showing the tramp a shiny pound coin, hiding it behind my back and securing it in one hand. The I present him with two closed fists and ask him to pick one, whether he wins or loses, I finish the act with the phrase "There you go mate, who says beggars can't be choosers?"

Making two tramps kiss each other for some Lambert and Butler is great stuff too.
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
I enjoy showing the tramp a shiny pound coin, hiding it behind my back and securing it in one hand. The I present him with two closed fists and ask him to pick one, whether he wins or loses, I finish the act with the phrase "There you go mate, who says beggars can't be choosers?"

Making two tramps kiss each other for some Lambert and Butler is great stuff too.

That was you?
 

JonnoJonno

Banned
Maxi_77 said:
Of course many of them are ex servicement who have failed to fit back into civilian life.

They're the trickiest. They zig-zag like buggery when you fire pennies at them from a catapult. Of course they can't stop themselves from stopping to pick up a few so you always get a couple to strike home.
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
I spotted this gentleman of the road fairly recently, he looks somehow familiar:

 
JonnoJonno said:
Maxi_77 said:
Of course many of them are ex servicement who have failed to fit back into civilian life.

They're the trickiest. They zig-zag like buggery when you fire pennies at them from a catapult. Of course they can't stop themselves from stopping to pick up a few so you always get a couple to strike home.

And they shout PTSD induced contact reports when you do that, thus bringing unwanted attention to your innocent fun.

They do have nice shiny, albeit odd and with a toe poking out shoes though.
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
2_deck_dash said:
I keep seeing this guy everywhere:



Not any more you won't. I set fire to him on the Embankment before i went into the Ship & Shovell for several ales.
 

pugfrom83

Lantern Swinger
Blackrat said:
2_deck_dash said:
I keep seeing this guy everywhere:



Not any more you won't. I set fire to him on the Embankment before i went into the Ship & Shovell for several ales.

But everyone knows that London tramps are superhuman and can not be destroyed by conventional methods. Out of the ashes will only emerge a stronger, warmer (with face slighty ash marked) Supertramp (awaits pop group comments).
 

Peebs

Badgeman
I got collared by one who kept mentioning a 'Bigger Shoe'.

He then demanded £25 fo a cup of tea.

"You chaps usually only ask for a quid". I replied.

He then said.....

"I'm putting all my begs into one askit"
 
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