Tramp Ratio

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by djcopio, Aug 18, 2010.

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  1. Right - having been bored through the first half of my leave, I'm going out on the pish tonight. However, being a lowly scrote AB2, I pissed away most of my money in the 3 days after payday. I intend, therefore to invoke that most ancient of things, the tramp ratio.

    Maximum intoxication : minimum expenditure

    Judicial pre-drinking before hitting Portsmouth's finest nightspots should do the trick - but what to drink? I'm thinking a bottle of Tesco's Finest spirits, but which? And where to go from there? If it gets desperate, I've got some aftershave and lighter fluid, but I'm saving those for truly desperate times.

    I lay my dilemma before the wise drinking minds of Rum Ration...
  2. Happy Shopper style white cider seems to be the drink of choice in Portsmouth these days.

    Or failing that, a litre of windscreen wash from your local garage should be affordable.
  3. Cheap sherry. The breakfast of champions
  4. Cant beat buckfast in these sorts of situations. Not sure where you would get it in portsmouth though im sure it will be somewhere though
  5. Eat the entire contents of the nearest medicine cabinet and some boot polish. Worked for me when I was poor.

    Failing that,2 litres of tesco value vodka will have you windmilling into taxi queues before you can say "you're my bezzy mate"
  6. Strain the contents of a tin of Brasso that has been left standing for a while through a slice of bread drop of lemonade and fcuking zoom bat faced and sleep the sleep of the blessed - then wake up with a head like a forty shilling pisspot and in the shit for missing both watches.
  7. Cheap supernarket cider, gives you guts like acid indigestion and a head like Birkenhead :p
  8. In the days of the Ormig duplicating machine, it was Meths.
  9. white lilghtning, special brew (currently on offer at tescos) any supermarket spirit.

    Remember if you go for bucky to get a number on the bottle under 20 anything higher and you will be drinking something with the consistency of golden syrup.

    or a bucky gift fo a tenner. ;)
    20 Mayfair, pack of rizzla and bucky.
  10. There was a lad in our greenies mess on BRISTOL who used to drink Brut - Faberge Brut! Don't know if it got him pissed, but it made his breath smell great!!

    But surely that will be more expensive than supermarket plonk?
  11. I've selected "Merry Down" cider, at 7.5% and £2.65 for a 750ml bottle, the most hangover per pound I could find. Poverty should have dictated a night in, but when your mate's stripper sister asks if you're coming out for her birthday, how can you say no? She may be a pig, yes, but her mates might not...
  12. I posted on that particular alcoholic delight on here some months ago.
    I was left i/c of my oppos litre bottle of Brut in Gib. By the time I worked my way around the town I was both pissed and broke, so headed for Sugars bar, where as a regular will know free orange juice was on all tables in jugs.
    Drank half the orange, emptied Brut into jug and hey presto. Sent me fuckin manic, but absolute Sparks by going home time, and farts smelt like a perfume counter in miss selfridges. Happy days :D
  13. Since you're in Pompey, you have to follow the local tradition of sitting in your own piss on the Guildhall steps swigging your cider, then fighting an imaginary friend and shouting at anyone in earshot.

    Have a good night! :wink:
  14. 8) Co op White Star cider £3.5 0 per two liters. Never liked Buckfast ;-Is V.P. still available? :?
  15. sainsburys does a bottle of own brand dry cider 1.32 per bottle not sure how much is in there bout 2 pints i spose but three bottles of it and there ya go swamping like a 3 badge stoker

  16. Have drunk many Ciders in my time but MerryDown had a tendency to bounce :pukeright: so I rarely got the benefit :oops:

    And no, practice did not make perfect :(
  17. (granny)

    (granny) Book Reviewer

    'Brasso'?? What happened to 'Bluebell' ?
  18. They'll be telling us cleaning paste and deck cloths have gone next! 8O
  19. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    That's feck all - I saw a "Holistic Therapy Centre" in HMS Nelson yesterday..!! 8O :?
  20. (granny)

    (granny) Book Reviewer

    ?? What happened to 'pussers hard' and 'cotton waste' ?

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