Top Tips.

BillyNoMates

War Hero
A small bin bag full of luke warm dog shit hung on a short length of string from the light fitting in the centre of your kitchen will keep flies and bluebottles occupied long enough for you to prepare any raw meat for cooking or making into pies.

Gordon Ramsey. California.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Going on holiday for a week? Want to come back to a home cooked meal all ready to plate up?
Simply throw a chicken, some peeled potatoes and half a bottle of sunflower oil into your tumble drier, set it on constant and off you go.
When you get back to England at half three in the morning - it's pissing down and there's no food in the house because the you turned off the fridge freezer by accident, open your tumble drier and take out all that delicious home cooked scoff.

You can unpack in the morning.
 

Jane

Midshipman
If you only have one leg turn down any invite to an ass kicking party.
If you have a draft to a submarine do not take your forty foot ladder with you.
Always set your foulie trousers over your seaboots.
 

skyvet

GCM
Instead of throwing away that old wok, paint it white and nail it to your outside wall, thus making all your neighbours think you have satellite tv!

That is all ...............
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Old satellite dishes make excellent emergency standby woks should you want to prepare a nice Chinese stir fry and you do not have a real wok in your kitchen cupboard.
 

taffscrivs

War Hero
Use an old flat screen telly as a tray to carry your recently cooked Chinese stir fry into the front room.
The ultimate TV dinner!
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Two clear plastic Chinese takeaway sweet and sour sauce containers held together with thick nicker elastic make excellent swimming goggles for people with massive heads.

23e3.jpg
 

taffscrivs

War Hero
A pair of 2 gallon plastic buckets tied together with baler twine makes an excellent brassiere for peasant women with massive tits....
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
DIY tip (i.a.w. current building regulations).

You are all putting these in n the wrong place:

fog1002-square-rusty-log-burner.jpg

Fit it in the correct room:

M82783_4_Ergonomic_Toilet_Seat_With_Lid.jpg
 
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