Top Tips.

Burglars and car thieves.

When running away from the police, stick your right arm
arm out at 90 degrees, having first wrapped it in a small
baby mattress. This will prevent any physical injury when
they set the dog on you.
 
Husbands!

Cheer yourself up when you're feeling a bit down by watching your wedding
video/dvd in reverse. The part where you give back the ring, walk back up
the aisle out of the church/registry office, get into the car and fu*k off will
make you feel simply marvellous.
 
Trainers for the Japanese Ski Jump Team.

Just watched the ladies ski jumping finals and noticed that Japan
didn't quite make it into the medals position.
When training for the next Winter Olympics begins, here's something
that could drastically improve the distances your ski jumpers reach.
At the end of the course - build a full scale model of a World War II
aircraft carrier or battleship and tell the jumpers that;
"If their grandad could reach that far in a zero with a flag wrapped
round his head, then they can almost certainly achieve something
within the same ball park"
That'll give them something to aim for.
 
Any volunteers?

I have it on the internets' authority that if you shove your music players
headphone bits up your schonk and open your grid, you turn yourself
into a loudspeaker.



Go on - you know you want to.
 
Fancy going away on a "mystery weekend?". Simply get in the car, close your eyes and stab
blindly at the keyboard on your satnav then open your eyes and press *Set as destination*.
Absolutely guaranteed you'll end up in a pretty village somewhere in Wales.

 
Last edited:

huwshpis

Lantern Swinger
There used to be a Magistrates’ Court in Eglwyswrw. It looked like an extension of the village pub, but some vandal had bricked up the connecting door. On court days (alternate Wednesdays), the pub turned into an unofficial waiting area for lawyers, police, witnesses and defendants.


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huwshpis

Lantern Swinger
Eglwyswrw is on the main road from Fishguard to Cardigan on the West Wales coast, so it’s quite remote. The area attracts lots of people because of that, people with things to hide, viewpoints that are so far out of the mainstream they could be thought mad, ultra ‘greens’ etc.


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Eglwyswrw is on the main road from Fishguard to Cardigan on the West Wales coast, so it’s quite remote. The area attracts lots of people because of that, people with things to hide, viewpoints that are so far out of the mainstream they could be thought mad, ultra ‘greens’ etc.


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We're all keen to know which of those you are?
 

huwshpis

Lantern Swinger
That would be telling, but I don't live there and never have. I'm originally from Goodwick (the "Harbour" side of Fishguard) and I worked in the area from 1982 to 85 going round all 8 of the local Magistrates' Courts. I made my comments on the basis of the people I'd seen being dealt with by the justices.;)
 

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