Top Tips.

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Burglars and car thieves.

When running away from the police, stick your right arm
arm out at 90 degrees, having first wrapped it in a small
baby mattress. This will prevent any physical injury when
they set the dog on you.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Trainers for the Japanese Ski Jump Team.

Just watched the ladies ski jumping finals and noticed that Japan
didn't quite make it into the medals position.
When training for the next Winter Olympics begins, here's something
that could drastically improve the distances your ski jumpers reach.
At the end of the course - build a full scale model of a World War II
aircraft carrier or battleship and tell the jumpers that;
"If their grandad could reach that far in a zero with a flag wrapped
round his head, then they can almost certainly achieve something
within the same ball park"
That'll give them something to aim for.
 

huwshpis

War Hero
There used to be a Magistrates’ Court in Eglwyswrw. It looked like an extension of the village pub, but some vandal had bricked up the connecting door. On court days (alternate Wednesdays), the pub turned into an unofficial waiting area for lawyers, police, witnesses and defendants.


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huwshpis

War Hero
Eglwyswrw is on the main road from Fishguard to Cardigan on the West Wales coast, so it’s quite remote. The area attracts lots of people because of that, people with things to hide, viewpoints that are so far out of the mainstream they could be thought mad, ultra ‘greens’ etc.


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fishhead

War Hero
Eglwyswrw is on the main road from Fishguard to Cardigan on the West Wales coast, so it’s quite remote. The area attracts lots of people because of that, people with things to hide, viewpoints that are so far out of the mainstream they could be thought mad, ultra ‘greens’ etc.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
We're all keen to know which of those you are?
 

huwshpis

War Hero
That would be telling, but I don't live there and never have. I'm originally from Goodwick (the "Harbour" side of Fishguard) and I worked in the area from 1982 to 85 going round all 8 of the local Magistrates' Courts. I made my comments on the basis of the people I'd seen being dealt with by the justices.;)
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Helpful tip for anyone who is a member of a Dogging Club.

If, on your next dogging get together on a secluded beach - your vehicle gets stuck in the sand, the A.A. R.A.C and Green Flag will happily attend your car and tug you off and you can still keep your no claims bonus.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Attention all UK police forces!
Do you have lots of unsolved missing persons/suspected murder cases still outstanding? Not enough manpower to get the jobs done?
Well.... get the message out through social media and request that every dog owner in your constabulary take their pets for a walk in the parks, woods, forests and areas of outstanding natural beauty between 06:00 and 19:00 this coming Sunday.
Believe me, at the end of the day you'll have enough corpses in shallow graves, human remains and bits of skeletons to keep your forensic teams occupied for a very long time and that missing persons backlog will simply vanish!
Dog walkers - always guaranteed to dig up something.

Woof!
"What you got there Rex?"
 

SONAR-BENDER

War Hero
Attention all UK police forces!
Do you have lots of unsolved missing persons/suspected murder cases still outstanding? Not enough manpower to get the jobs done?
Well.... get the message out through social media and request that every dog owner in your constabulary take their pets for a walk in the parks, woods, forests and areas of outstanding natural beauty between 06:00 and 19:00 this coming Sunday.
Believe me, at the end of the day you'll have enough corpses in shallow graves, human remains and bits of skeletons to keep your forensic teams occupied for a very long time and that missing persons backlog will simply vanish!
Dog walkers - always guaranteed to dig up something.

Woof!
"What you got there Rex?"
Nah, wouldn't work with mine. He'd just eat it, then re-appear looking fat and sheepish.






That's 'cos he's a greedy little shite, who is fat and looks like a sheep.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
If you fall asleep in the sun this summer and get sunburn, it isn't easy to get a decent night's sleep. However, if you take a couple of Viagra an hour before going to bed and sleep on your back, you'll find that your monstrous hard on will keep the sheets off your sore parts.
 

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