Top sniper required

#1
Coming out of hospital I find my wife has put my best Wool blazer and 3 of my best lambs wool golf sweaters in the washing machine.
I'm 12 and a half stone and now they won't fit even Tom Cruise!
We've only been married 48 bloody years it's amazing so I'm looking for a 1st class sniper but it must be over a 1000 yard shot!any less and she'll have his throat out like a wolverine!
Sometimes I give up on women[not in a fruit kind of way] just exasperation at the way their mind works.
Sorry, just winging again but they sometimes work in a strange way that I can't fathom out.
 
#3
Like the ex-Royal Marine sniper who was hired by a husband to shoot his cheating wife in the head and her lover in the balls. $10,000 a shot.

He held his aim for over twenty minutes without moving a muscle until the husband whispered...... why don't you shoot.

........................Just trying to save you ten grand.
 
#4
I've got my own ideas,we have five boys and two girls so I reckon she's finally getting her own back for carrying around big stomachs in her youth.
Funny I never used to think of telling porkies until I got married!
you know the drill
"Do I look fat in this dress?"
"Is my bum bigger than last week?"
"Did you shag my sister?" now that one I did come unstuck with as I had.
Saying it was before we were serious made no difference and telling her at least her brothers were safe made it worse.
I reckon I'm doomed.Cheers[from the spare room]
 
#5
seafarer1939 said:
I've got my own ideas,we have five boys and two girls so I reckon she's finally getting her own back for carrying around big stomachs in her youth.
Funny I never used to think of telling porkies until I got married!
you know the drill
"Do I look fat in this dress?"
"Is my bum bigger than last week?"
"Did you shag my sister?" now that one I did come unstuck with as I had.
Saying it was before we were serious made no difference and telling her at least her brothers were safe made it worse.
I reckon I'm doomed.Cheers[from the spare room]
Why are her brothers safe?......are they a bit doggo :roll: 8O :wink:
 
#6
Makes me piss when they spout. I have done the washing. What open a door throw it in add powder turn the dial.

No hot boiler no dolly tub no mangle, how many fingers did I have when I started. Front room resembling a turkish baths with the clothes steaming away.
 
#8
Backpacker1uk said:
Makes me piss when they spout. I have done the washing. What open a door throw it in add powder turn the dial.

No hot boiler no dolly tub no mangle, how many fingers did I have when I started. Front room resembling a turkish baths with the clothes steaming away.


That's what you think.
My missus said the old days were better. We'll fuckin see :twisted: :twisted:
 
#9
Backpacker1uk said:
Makes me piss when they spout. I have done the washing. What open a door throw it in add powder turn the dial.

No hot boiler no dolly tub no mangle, how many fingers did I have when I started. Front room resembling a turkish baths with the clothes steaming away.
Got the T-Shirt......youngest of a family of 11, middle of winter lounge fire roaring away but it was fcukin treezing with the bloody clothes horse grabbing all the heat.
 
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