Top sniper required

Discussion in 'The Gash Barge' started by seafarer1939, Feb 24, 2010.

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  1. Coming out of hospital I find my wife has put my best Wool blazer and 3 of my best lambs wool golf sweaters in the washing machine.
    I'm 12 and a half stone and now they won't fit even Tom Cruise!
    We've only been married 48 bloody years it's amazing so I'm looking for a 1st class sniper but it must be over a 1000 yard shot!any less and she'll have his throat out like a wolverine!
    Sometimes I give up on women[not in a fruit kind of way] just exasperation at the way their mind works.
    Sorry, just winging again but they sometimes work in a strange way that I can't fathom out.
  2. I'm ya man.

    Barn doors a speciality!!!!!
  3. Like the ex-Royal Marine sniper who was hired by a husband to shoot his cheating wife in the head and her lover in the balls. $10,000 a shot.

    He held his aim for over twenty minutes without moving a muscle until the husband whispered...... why don't you shoot.

    ........................Just trying to save you ten grand.
  4. I've got my own ideas,we have five boys and two girls so I reckon she's finally getting her own back for carrying around big stomachs in her youth.
    Funny I never used to think of telling porkies until I got married!
    you know the drill
    "Do I look fat in this dress?"
    "Is my bum bigger than last week?"
    "Did you shag my sister?" now that one I did come unstuck with as I had.
    Saying it was before we were serious made no difference and telling her at least her brothers were safe made it worse.
    I reckon I'm doomed.Cheers[from the spare room]
  5. Why are her brothers safe?......are they a bit doggo :roll: 8O :wink:
  6. Makes me piss when they spout. I have done the washing. What open a door throw it in add powder turn the dial.

    No hot boiler no dolly tub no mangle, how many fingers did I have when I started. Front room resembling a turkish baths with the clothes steaming away.
  7. Both had beards!

  8. That's what you think.
    My missus said the old days were better. We'll fuckin see :twisted: :twisted:
  9. Got the T-Shirt......youngest of a family of 11, middle of winter lounge fire roaring away but it was fcukin treezing with the bloody clothes horse grabbing all the heat.

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