Toilets that need a good seeing to.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by BillyNoMates, Nov 22, 2015.

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  1. No.1.

    Nigella Lawsons' downstairs lavatory. She spends all her time cooking and writing
    recipe books, and seeing as it's difficult to hire a cleaner on minimum wage these
    days, most of the rest of her house has sort of gone to the dogs. Nigella said,
    "No, it's not that gopping. Most of what you see is surplus melted chocolate from
    cake baking...."

    I think not.

    • Funny Funny x 2
  2. No.2.

    bog and Supergirls bidet. (Various locations throughout the city)

    Even when they take a dump in their secret disguises, both of them have to
    be particularly careful when dropping their guts. The toilet repair bill
    in the city of Metropolis is estimated to be more than $3,000,000 a year.

    • Funny Funny x 2
  3. No.3.

    Stevie Wonder.

    An award winning song writer, musician and singer, but a fucking lousy
    shot when he's taken by surprise after a plate of undercooked fried chicken.

    • Funny Funny x 2
  4. No.4.

    The management and staff of the *TalkTalk* call centre New Delhi.

    After the hacking debacle earlier this year, senior management and help-line
    assistants had to return their company vehicles, so that TalkTalk could get
    enough money together to reimburse unhappy customers. Inside lavatories
    were also removed and sold and now all employees drop their logs in the
    disused company car park.

    • Funny Funny x 3
  5. No.5.

    The Man from Del Monte.

    Says; "I'm not eating shed loads of fruit ever again"

    • Funny Funny x 2
  6. No.6.

    The Colonic Irrigation Unit, Derriford Hospital, Plymouth.


    This has been declared as an area if outstanding natural beauty by the National Trust. A family of wild beavers moved in two years ago and have been constructing turd dams ever since. Admission is £5 for adults and £1.50 for children with the option of a full English breakfast for only an extra £4.99 per person. (before 12:00 p.m.)
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2015
    • Funny Funny x 2
  7. Now that one is just fuckin brilliant!!
  8. BZ Billy.
    Fucking outstanding! :D
  9. (granny)

    (granny) Book Reviewer

    Thanks a bunch. I was just about to get my breakfast!
  10. Clara-Bow.jpg
    This is Clara Bow , she is not a toilet.
  11. Runner up for this year's Turner Prize 2016.

    This piece entitled "Say Faeces", sculpted by Dutch artist Joanne Van Phlegm Hooffer.
    To be auctioned at Christies in January 2016, with a reserve of £12,000,000.

    Last edited: Dec 13, 2015
    • Funny Funny x 1
  12. This is the only toilet that Cillit Bang could not clean.
    After several attempts, Barry Scott gave up and sent for an exorcist.

    Last edited: Dec 13, 2015
    • Funny Funny x 1
  13. The Main Lavatory in the *Iceland* plc frozen food new lines
    testing centre, Deeside Industrial Park, Flintshire.

    Secret undercover surveillance photograph of the latest line.
    *Iceland* Organic Bacon & Egg Flan. (2 for a £1).
    After a good stirring, the mixture is scooped out with a
    ladel and poured into used Chinese takeaway containers
    for freezing and shipping.
    The toilet is actually in the next cubicle.

  14. New "brown knuckle" ride to open at Alton Towers, Summer 2016.


    Thrill a minute, "Passengers" actually think they're just going for a dump.
    When the bog doors shut - the ride takes off at 400 m.p.h. and completes
    half a dozen 360 degree loops before the riders experience the effects of zero
    gee. After being slammed about in a dung encrusted cubicle for five minutes,
    they are let off the ride (Optional Photograph of the experience - £10.99 each).

    (Twin his'n'hers cubicles on "The Skidder" after the first evaluation test run)
  15. When the floor is full please use the toilets.

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