Toilet Habits Of The Lesser Known Dirty Barsteward

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by ukdaytona, Jun 28, 2007.

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  1. I work on MoD site and unfortunately have to use the facilities from time to time. I can honestly say that after todays first visit I feel total sympathy for the cleaners.

    Why can grow men NOT flush a toilet or worse not even hit the F£$KING HOLE. Had occasions to go in where people have missed the :toilet: and hit the seat / floor but today without going into detail some dirty barsteward had managed to get it into the toilet brush and on the floor and I aint talking no1s here. Never mind the number who dont wash their hands :pukel:

    I would hate to think what these peoples homes are like. If they cant hit a hole the size of a :toilet: I dont understand how they manage to father kids coz thats a much smaller hole to hit (well in most cases).

    (Sorry if this put you off lunch but my hourly rant over)
  2. You obviously haven't spent time out in Asia have you?

    The amount of explosions in a chocolate factory that I have seen do not bear thinking about!
  3. well try working as a cleaner in a all girls school
    OMG i have seen things in the loo's that would make you cry....
    door hinges filled up with poo..... used S T's... stuck to mirrors.. and thats just the minor things...... i could tel you things that would give you nightmares..............
  4. Nice pics Josie - xx
  5. I think we need a web cam for the RR site for this one Josie! :bootyshake:

    Guys, pull up a crate and s(H)it back and enjoy!! :hungry:
  6. Sooner have Josie :sex:
  7. You aint never been in the aft STP (sewage treatment plant) of a T42 after a stokers curry fest caused a blockage!!!! [​IMG]
    Swap your grubby toilet anytime matey! :thumright:

  8. [​IMG]

    You mean like this

  9. Don't remember eating that!!........... :pukel: :pukel:
  10. This is all too much for me....... I feel sick.........

  11. That's just created vivid flash-backs to Indian railway carriages! Who would put a stand up kahzi in a space that bucks around like an LSL in the Irish Sea!

    Make all WC bowls with hair round them! solved.
  12. ah, the famous phantom shitters!!! I wonder how many ships they are 'logged on' to?
  13. There was a Phantom Turder in the MBSQ at Haslar in the late 70's and early 80's,dont think he was ever caught.
  14. one day i wnet into the loo's to check them... the young ladies had desided to lay toilet roll all over the floor an use that in stead of the toilets..... and i dont mean wee.... dirty little bitches....

    another time they thout it would be fun to all use the same loo with out flushing......

    i soon came to the thought that these were no young ladies....
  15. I was thinking about this sort of thing during the debate on UK citizenship lessons.
    I think that we should have compulsory dogwatch sh*thouse training for around 25% of the population, based on the following principles:

    Public toilets are there to allow you to clear waste products from your body quickly, efficiently, and hygienically. They are not there for you to:

    1. Wipe boogers on the stall walls or above the urinals.

    2. Importune other men for sex or as a directory service to inform other chaps that you are not adverse to taking it up the Gary, for appropriate fiscal recompense, should they trouble themselves to phone the number listed just above the bog roll holder.

    3. Use as a jotter for your musings on whether Brian is wanker, Louise sux coks (sic), or on the sexual desirability of pre-teens.

    4. Use as a canvas for insane, Jackson Pollock style sprays of faecal art work.

    5. Use as a cubicle in which to geeze up on smack.

    6. Use as a venue for bizarre rites involving p1ssing into an annointed receptacle while an acolyte wearing the yellow tunic of the Initiates peers over your shoulder.. oh, wait, that's CDT :roll:
  16. G'day all.

    The phantom Shiter strikes again ehh??

    We had one in our mess, that was mess 23 on HMS CUMBERLAND, in 1958. Now and again we would wake up and go to step onto the table top as all the micks were slung above it in a single row, and lo and behold some *bastard would have left his calling card on top of the messdeck table, this went on

    for months and we were never able to catch the guy.

    Until one morning when we spied the deposit, we noticed that there was a playbook neatly placed under it, when the dirty "B" climbed onto the table, dropped his strides, his pay book had fallen from his hip pocket and the crap had fallen on top of it.

    The bastard tried to say some-one had taken his pay book out then did it on top of it.

    After the mess had finished scrubbing the bastard down he wouldn't do this again I'm sure.

    In our mess on the Salisbury we had one who used to p/ss in some ones shoes, and this guy used to get cranky about it, he slept on the inside stools at the mess table, and after coming offshore, he laid his shoes neatly at the side of his bed.Every morning he'd get up and here would be his shoes full of p/ss.

    We had only commissioned the ship and we soon spotted the guy doing it one night, and turned out to be the guy himself who would come offshore p/ssed as a fart get into his bed, ten minutes later, he'd sit up and do the need full then go back to sleep again and never remembered doing any of this.
    He was dealt with in the usual Pussers fashion and it cured him as well!! though, with this bod, at least it was his own shoes he was filling every night, but boy did we have a good laugh when we all discovered who was doing it.



  17. In the good old days when the regulating cox'n of Dolphin 2 was the famous Grocer Greer , not sure about the spelling of his name , one of the troops had a propensity to use the heads by performing on the deck rather than where it should go . Don't know why as it would be far more comfortable sitting than squatting . However , on mustering , one of the bods was given the task of cleaning the crap from the heads . Not very strong in the guts he told the Grocer who took him to the scene of the crime and scooped up the evidence with his bare hand and squeezed until it was oozing out between his fingers . " Only shit lad " said the Grocer and at that ' the lad ' added to the problem with a bag muster . The good old days indeed .

  18. Turd Patrol circa 1977 Ex Springtrain - Gib.

    Some twat thought it funny to curl one down in the dining hall every night- Exec orders a turd patrol whilst alongside - now, being alongside Gib after an exercise for a few days is not going to make the turd patrol "warm" to their task, walking around the decks trying to catch the phantom turd curler is not anyone's idea of fun.

    I got pressganged into the patrol and all of us agreed that if we suffer, so does the rest of the Ship's company. SO, we start kicking in trapdoors in case our phantom was hiding. Bloody hell, the amount of boys with dick in hand and penthouse in t'other, well we lost count.

    Never caught the bugger but one patrol got close - they reported steam rising so in true detective style concluded, Chief, we wuz close!
  19. And now I'd like to thank ALL the managers of every branch of SAINSBURYS who "had a bit of a party"- for thinking that they were possessed by the spirit of Keith Moon.
    (At least I only pissed in my own wardrobe!)
  20. SAINSBURYS.....try something new today :thumright:

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