Today my wife left me

Ha that got you - you fcukers, she's acually fcuked off to Brum for 3 days on a conferenc (so she says, but why did she buy new underwear?? all I get is the battleship grey tea stained gusset ones she normally wears. Still the fat ugly fcuker she's gone with is nowhere near as hansome and talented as old Stan. Still here I am on my lonesome, already cracked one wank on my hidden porn DVDs, walked the dog, couple of hours fishing (caught feck all) and actually missing the old trout.
Still there's always Wheelers in Torpoint later and a Wongs take-away, what a sad old twat - 10 years ago Iwould have rung for a whore and buttfcuked it all night still I have dug out my Snatch DVD out for later.
Suggestions for the next couple of days please

 

My grass needs cutting and the shed needs painting. All equipment supplied.

 

£10 an hour ok plus mileage

 

Roam the country side (well, Torpoint) in your car lobbing dog turds at assembled groups of chavs in their bus shelters.

Finish the night minesweeping wets in Wheelers/Harbour shites and take a 14 year old slapper on to the ferry, smash her hoop in and leave her battered and bleeding on the other side.


Just a thought

 

Fcuk me why didn't I think of that

 

Go into Raleigh and spend the day with a class of new recruits. They are so entertaining and I am sure you would spin them a few dits to keep their enthusiasm for the RN alive.

 

Mate, if she means that much to you I'll send the little whore back.

 

Not too bruised I hope and carrying a small cheque for services rendered after all she is a rather mature old mare and knows a few tricks

 

No worries. Talking of tricks, can I have my hamster back please?

 

Still stuck up my arse I'm afraid and the crunchy nut cornflakes I've deposited in my knicks have yet to tempt the little fecker out

 

I think you should go with the whore option but go hunting for them. That way, you can drive to somewhere secluded and do a Sutcliffe on them.

Failing that, start a riot. If i see it on the news, i'll come down and assist.

 

You could hijack the Cremyll ferry and use it to conquer Drake's Island where you could declare it to be an independent state.

You could invite fellow RRs to help you form a government...

 

Try a rabbit skin glove inside out and a large tube of ky enjoy. Failing that out on the lash and big eats then back onboard. :wink:

 

oo theres a new shopping centre in Exeter?

 

The Janner Turnip Market

 

Mr Bergan sir, you spoil us with your fine turnips and selected guest root vegetables...

 

Is that the McDonalds? They're salivating and it's not even wrapped in pastry yet...

 

No, Labrum - it's Exeter's answer to "Joanna's"... :wink:

 

Can't be, too many females in the phot!