Tight arses in the RN

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by slim, Jul 6, 2007.

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  1. We have all come across the tight arse with deep pockets and short arms. Always last into the bar then makes an excuse and leaves just before it's his round.
    Well what is the tightest act that you have ever witnessed?
    Here's one for starters:
    Matelot on the Eagle would ask to borrow someones toothpaste, of course most matelots been generous would loan him their tube. However one guy gave him his tube but when it was returned it was half empty, now this was a new tube of toothpaste. The guy kicked up about this and then found out that the borrower had glued two toothpaste caps end to end and drilled a hole down the centre. By putting a full toothpaste tube on one end and his empty tube on the other he could effectively refill his tube.
    same bloke used to collect all the slivers of soap from the bathroom and squeeze them together.
     
  2. Not sure this constitutes being tight, but a guy we had onboard took great delight in writing to various companies extolling the virtues of their products. This usually resulted in the said companies sending a parcel containing free samples. Having received things like board games from a leading manufacturer, and loads of nutty from other sources, he wrote to Gillette, and told them that their razorblades were SO good, that even as a submariner (who spent long periods at sea etc etc) one blade would last him a full 3 months!
    His letter must have been received by an ex-matelot, for when the reply came thanking him for his kind comments, enclosed was a further 3 months supply - 1 razorblade!
     
  3. Well he's made a prudent Chancellor for the past ten years! Looks like frigates will be stuck together to make them look like aircraft carriers! :wink:
     
  4. Would really really like to black cat that one slim, but just cannot remember anything that comes close.
     
  5. Speaking of arses, what do yoos blokes think of my new avatar :thumright:
     
  6. Well thats a tight arse in it's own right :thumright:
     
  7. Are you suffering from piles or are your legs naturally wonky?
     
  8. Just had a Magmaloo so I am trying not to follow through. :tp:
     
  9. ok so what is she wearing ? Piz Buin, max factor, Ambre solaire or LG280?

    ____________________________________________

    Why delay today what you can be trooped for tomorrow.
     
  10. I don't care but I volunteer to put on the next coat.
    NZB
     
  11. I,ll tell you wot lads i.d give them arse cheeks a right good old buffin!!!!
     
  12. I'm not always in favour of shiny-arses; but in her case I would make an exception. OK, blatant Thread drift.
     
  13. Back to original thread...

    after many years of drinking in establishment bars, it's easy to spot the tight-arse. Always stands at bar and drinks shorts / bottles (Bud, Miller, etc) / glass wine, so that when anyone he knows approaches bar he can neck it at just the right moment to be offered another...

    Just watch next time, and all will become clear...
     
  14. Their other trick is to get involved in the old round buying, but when it comes to their round, they suddenly need to go home or say something like; "I've had enough and am off home." ;-)
     
  15. A sailor walks into a pub and asks the landlord for a pint of bitter.
    "That’ll be four pence please."
    "Four pence?"
    "Yes, sir. All our drinks are the same price as when the pub first opened in 1947."
    "Good ho," says Jack. "Have one yourself."
    Jack then looks around and sees three glum-looking men standing without drinks at the other end of the bar.
    "Who are they?" he asks.
    "Oh, they're just some RAF guys waiting for happy hour."
     

  16. Its good , but not quite as good as mine , :w00t:
     
  17. I once knew a Yorkshireman that was so tight that if he dropped 50p it would hit him on the back of the head on the way down...
     
  18. I normally get pissed off when we Scots are derided for being tight, but my Uncle does take the piss a bit.

    He is a true "First out of the Taxi and Last to the Bar" [email protected]

    He forgotten his wallet, didn't have change of a £50, forgot his ATM card, forgot his ATM card PIN, "met us later" (just after a volunteer had been found to get the first round in), brought cheap Asda stubbies to a BBQ, then drank all my f*cking Tiger.

    If there was an award for having the shortest arms to reach into the deepest pockets, he'd be a nominee!!
     
  19. Knew a few 'could peel an orange in their pocket' types in he mob, usually the welfare/saffa ratings. The upside to this of course is that you could always pay them to stand-in for your duty when alongside foreign ports!
     
  20. Bob Findlay from Hull, school janitor and walt "off the Tiger"
    Joined up whilst the Tiger was visiting Hull, and sailed the next day, and can not remember his O/N British Legion commitee member

    He is a true "First out of the Taxi and Last to the Bar" [email protected]

    As he is always first out of the taxi and gone, we pay the fare
    OK first out must be first to the bar, no chance bends down to tie his shoe lace
    "IF" He is due to buy a round then his quarter pint lasts forever, if it is near closing time and it is not his round next, he slings the pint down in a oner, shared taxi home he is always dropped off first and has no change for a twenty

    So Bob Findlay from Hull, as you sit alone, doorman at your comittee desk we notice how much weight you have lost walking home as you are too tight to pay for your taxi, still get pints of the young uns with your sea stories, Bye the way Honky Fid is NOT honking in Bristol :) FU
    ex matelot my arse

    Jack McHammocklashing
     

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