Hello cunts Musing on my predilection for expressing myself violently at times I thought I would check with you lot that I am not alone in spending a large part of my day thinking up medieval forms of punishment for the often innocent behaviour of my fellow humans. If I am on my own then I know why I am at odds with the world, and will travel to Bridgend to end my days surrounded by the screams and gargling of welsh teenagers. So I'm at the gym yesterday carrying out mundane aerobic exercises to replace the run that Jack Frost spoiled, when I see a slim(ish) forty year old woman step on to the treadmill, and increase the elevation to maximum and start to walk. Initially impressed I then noticed that the silly bitch was holding on to the handguards in such a way that she was leaning back and essentially walking as normal just at a different angle. I found myself alarmingly annoyed at this, and felt that she was doing this because her calorie count would appear higher. In a just world I felt that I should be able to cut her hands off with a set of 'jaws of life', put the speed up to maximum and stand behind her with an antique Lance until she tired. The thought occupied me for at least 30 minutes and put a smile on my face. She got off after 20 minutes having not a single bead of sweat on her and it was all I could do to not smack her in the face with a dumbell. Killing gym-queens, my desire to ankle-tap obese trolley pushers, and smother anyone with anything other than a conventional ring-tone occupies more and more of my time these days. I think I need a girlfriend. Anyone else going slowly nuts?