Thoughts for the day

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
#1
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum
cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.


Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ."
"Don't do that" says Mick
"have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"


I've just had a letter back from Screwfix.
They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating
agency.


My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.


What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One's a superhero and the other is an instruction.


I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
Reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said you're obviously not
listening.


I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said I love you. She said
is that you or the beer talking?
I replied it's me talking to the beer.


My wife has been missing for a week now. The Police said I should prepare
for the worst.
So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.


Hi mate I don't want you to panic but I'm texting you from the casualty
department.
Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't exactly what I thought i[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]t was.[/FONT]
 
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