Thoughts for the day

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by janner, Aug 27, 2011.

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  1. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum
    Talk about Dyson with death.

    Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ."
    "Don't do that" says Mick
    "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

    I've just had a letter back from Screwfix.
    They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating

    My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
    Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

    What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
    One's a superhero and the other is an instruction.

    I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
    Reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature.
    She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said you're obviously not

    I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said I love you. She said
    is that you or the beer talking?
    I replied it's me talking to the beer.

    My wife has been missing for a week now. The Police said I should prepare
    for the worst.
    So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

    Hi mate I don't want you to panic but I'm texting you from the casualty
    Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't exactly what I thought i[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]t was.[/FONT]

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