This is what happens when........

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Rumrat, Jun 21, 2011.

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  1. This is what happens when you put a fuckin matelot in chare of anything...including his own dinner.
    These are the words spoken to me by my irate manager one bright sunny afternoon a few years ago.
    I was one of the area managers of the Keep north Warwickshire clean project that was instigated as a means to get long term unemployed youths back into a work environment in North Warwickshire. Part of the duties of one of my five gangs was to clean the car park in Water Orton, that was adjacent to the Railway Station.
    Every day the lads would complain that this bloke with his two dogs would stroll across and the dogs would crap.
    I had a word with the geezer and he said that if I sent him a summons he would just pay and that would be it. Flash arrogant bastard I thought, so next day he comes and in front of all his dogs relieved themselves ( thats shit Stan).
    I follows him back to his house and posted the whole weeks worth through his letter box, the fuckin smell was suffocating from the street side so fuck knows what it smelt like inside by the time he came home.
    When confronted with my action by my manager, the head honcho who was there as well and an ex three ringer said the heading sentence to my boss.
    Then he burst out laughing and invited me for drinkies at his house.

    In that job I had the pleasure to meet Captain Charles Featherston dilke , the chap who coordinated the Tristan DE Cuna affair, and who died in 2007 aged 85. His family live in a private castle in Warwickshire and he invited me up there once. As its not open to the public (1 day a year) I went and got lashed up to fuck.
    He wrote to my boss and told him I was an endearingly strange person with very set but debatable values on life.
    If I understood him I would know whether he was a cunt or not.

    Any how why was being a matelot a drawback/virtue to your life or situations.
  2. Mivvy's just don't get it, they think they are funny ripping their mates to shit in the boozer, Stirl wades in and they get all upset, this is usually the signal to up the ante as far as Jack is concerned but no, these fuckers start offering you out for upsetting them. And people wonder why I have been a loner since I left the mob.
  3. Pete told me not to upset you when I came up as he rekons you are always carrying live sausages with you and unexploded buns.
  4. :-D.............
  5. And talking of Pete I thought he was trying to commit suicide when I met him, I'm sure most people would drown with that amount of Rum.

    Do you remember that song
    "There's nothing sicker in society,
    Than a lack of booze and sobriety".
  6. I hope I am as full of life as he is if/when I reach 75.
  7. I did tell him that if he crosses the bar I will only come to the funeral if he aint being cremated.
    Can you imagine the blaze, will take York fire brigade days to put the fire out.
    Anyway Pete aint answering my PM's, I must have phoned his missus whilst he was in.=-D
  8. So you were a road sweeper, why all the bullshit.
  9. I'll leave the bullshit and dead relatives worldwide to the drama queens of this world.
    If I was a road sweeper I was the best paid you ever come across so fill your boots matey call me what you like, so long as you call me to payment.
    Had you have had the pleasure to work for me I assure you that you would not have called me a roadsweeper.
    And you can take that to mean anything you like.
    That is all.
  10. Some guys just land in it! awaiting demob I was wondering what to do in Civvy St and a guy in the Vic Mess awaiting the same landed a job at a top teenage girls finishing school as sports bod.
    He told me he just saw it and went for it,not an ex-PTI or fit, just had a go.
    Dirty Jammy Bastard was the rest of us jealous?
    I bet he looks 90 by now or dead!

  11. For a time I drove school buses for Staffordshire County Council, and in the year I did so I had more than one offer I just HAD TO REFUSE.
    The war office used to think it funny some of the cards and notes I had passed me, but it's spooky when it happens as you always have the "Hell hath no fury like that of a woman/female scorned" line running through your mind.
  12. Matelots being in charge of stuff?

    On my resettlement course when I left the mob, I had to spend a week at RAF something or other where the RAF Regiment QCS live. I was doing a CV and interview technique course and the other bods in my class where two lorry driver squaddies both 22 year men, a fat, rats WRAF baggage handler, an OK looking WRAF desk driver and another matelot, half pension stoker.

    Within minutes the stoker and I had the WRAF birds (and the female instructor) eating out of our hands. It became clear early on that the pongo lorry drivers both had nice lorry driving jobs lined up for them outside and they had no interest in the course. After day two it was decided to have a run ashore and myself and the stoker where put in charge of organising it.

    The instructor wasn't that impressed when we sat down at our pre-booked table at the nearby titty bar.
    • Like Like x 1
  13. :angel7: Will he be taking his Guy Mitchell 78's with him, and if not can we have them? Must be worth a few bob as collectors items by now!!!!:hungry:
  14. the same as you rumrat, i also did school buses. on one run we had just taken over the kids had to bring there bus pass form plus photo,
    one of the 16 year old girls gave me a black and white photo to which i remarked this looks like it came from a portfolio, it does she said
    turning it over i said you haven't put your phone number on it. after staring at me for a minute or two she replied . and what can you do for me.
    fay another 16 yr old always gave me sweets when i dropped her outside her house, on this particular day the bus was fairly busy,i said to fay any sweets fay, to which she replied in a loud voice I HAVE TOLD YOU BEFORE PETE IT'S NOT THE LITTLE GIRLS WHO GIVE SWEETS TO DIRTY OLD MEN. ITS THE DIRTY OLD MEN WHO GIVE SWEETS TO LITTLE GIRLS. HAVE YOU GOT ANY SWEETS PETE.
  15. On leaving the Andrew I was fixed up with an EVT of my choice.
    Pusser had put me through the Open Uni and sent me to Uni full time for my exams and last six months.
    The EVT was for my induction Teachers training course, and was a six week course before going back to college to do my training as I already had my degree.
    So I went to the college in Brum and after one week I knew it was not to be the job for me.
    This revelation came as I stood face to face toe to toe with a fifteen year old scrote who thought he was tough. As we were on the second floor, I offered to give him his first flying lesson absolutely free. He told his Daddy who also thought he was Al Capone, so I made the same offer to him. He declined and tried to change my face. He missed, I didn't.
    On Sunday night I asked my war office to make me some sarnies and set the alarm for 5 am. Bit early for a college isn't it? she asked, and have they shut the canteen?
    No canteen in an articulated lorry I replied and fessed up to the sudden career change.

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