Think Outside the Box?

Discussion in 'The Quarterdeck' started by 21_Man, Jul 19, 2008.

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  1. Just had this emailed by my ex-Submariner Oppo........

    Drafting Guys over 60

    New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!
    I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

    For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

    Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

    An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

    If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

    Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

    They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. In the 'New army' now, 'Get down and give me ... .. One!'

    Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

    An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

    These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

    Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them. Also, we won't get in trouble for mistreating prisoners. We won't take any.

    If nothing else, put us on border patrol....we will have it secured the first night!

    Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so you can read it!!! [ it was in BIG ]
  2. Loved it - as a 64 year old with 2 dodgy knees, I can do something useful. "Patience my arse - I WANNA KILL SOMEBODY".
  3. Standing by with steaming bag packed!
  4. Whats this sex we're supposed to think about a couple of times a day?
    Once a month more like.
    Great post by the way,nearly fell of my crutches.

    Sign me up,I'll do the first dog watch after my nap.
  5. Ill join that gang Fixed my bayonet to the stick. :threaten:
  6. Over 60s only? Looks like I'll have to wait another 15 years before I'll be eligible. However, I have problems sleeping, think about sex about twice a month (and only then if I'm taking HRT) and used to being shouted at and bashed in and look forward to getting my own back on the fundamentalists. Can I join up as a Junior (ie anyone under 60 but aged 45 and over)???

    Shall I bring along my foil, for some good old fashioned fencing?
  7. LMAO...

    Went to do Raleigh last Sep at 45 YO (ex RN) and scared the sh1t out of some of the babies there (officially complained that I scared them!!)

    Get out there and do it. (I'll catch up later)

    'They don't like it up 'em...' :threaten: :w00t:
  8. Best idea ive heard for a long time. The management (wife) would be glad for me to get out from under her feet for awhile. Ive got 4 dogs out here in spain, i am sure they are parcial to the odd terroist or three. I am 64 next month so well within the guide lines. If i got caught and interagated, as when an OD the chief wouls shout, you no F**K all" nothings changed as the Management (wife) says all i no is rubbish or boring. Therefore in conclusion I think i would be an ideal candidate as i believe i have forgotten nothing of my old trade, and my grandchildren say i no everything about everything.
    Yours hopefully
    Prospective brit Rambo
  9. My Help the Aged Advisor informs me that it
    might save the MOD a fortune in Rail Warrants,
    I could use my Buss Pass.

  10. Can I have a prescription SUSAT telescopic sight on my SA80 please? And do these Bowman headset thingies double up as hearing aids? If so, I sit ready to answer the call to arms. Just make it loud enough to wake me up, especially after lunch.
  11. Just remembered that they have females on ships these days.
    Is it issued, or do I have to bring my own Viagra?
    I anticipate that Ninja will be along shortly to answer these queries.

  12. Doubtful that it's issued. I shall use the time trusted method of two lolly sticks and some cellotape.
  13. THis got me so excited I had to go for a pee.
  14. What's Sex again?

    .... Sorry must go - Mrs Kat is screaming for more Kye
  15. Kat,

    Forget the sex and concentrate on keeping the kye coming.
    The withdrawal symptoms are not a pretty site.

  16. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    It's what your missus does when you're duty weekend... :wink:
  17. They'll supply the Viagra but you have to supply your own teeth! ;)
  18. 60 year olds don't do 'withdrawal', they just let it fall out when they are sleeping.
  19. (granny)

    (granny) Book Reviewer

    As a 75 year old ex Chief GI I can always stand at the back and give you advice!! I trust they still have the .303 Lee Enfield?
  20. Yeah its getting silly now Jerry, it is the preffered pre-bedtime drink, but at least she's stopped asking for the Asprin :thumright:

    ...just had a thought - i'll use laxitive chocolate next time - that'll teach her!

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