Things not to do when on leave

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Scud, May 11, 2006.

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  1. Was sat on the bridge one dreary morning watch a few months ago, and started coming up with a list of things not to do in polite company when on leave. Feel free to add any I might have forgotten:

    1. The 'C' word is not to used

    2. Masturbation is not an appropriate conversation topic

    3. No-one needs to know about your last dump

    4. If there is a lull in the conversation, you do not need to jump in with an insult

    5. Grot is no longer a currency

    6. Potatoes do not need to form the basis of every meal

    7. Flip flops are not appropriate footwear

    Add away...
  2. If anyone you meet says they've got a sister dont reply with the standard " oh yeh, how old is she?"
  3. Civilians do not appreciate being had on Bites and Reet-deet-deets every 2 minutes.
  4. 1. Dont leave your ID card on board
    2. Don't forget your dhobeying. The missus/Mum will want it
    3. Don't lose your tyravel warrant
    4. Don't tell your Mum about the bird in the picture sat on your knee who looks like Liza Minelli being a Kai Tai - she won't understand
  5. When meeting someone younger than yourself,dont ask his mothers maiden name.
  6. Don't come home steaming drunk with a trail of party goers if your staying with your parents!
  7. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    I've not done too well so far. :oops:
  8. Learn not to talk in your sleep. There are courses available. Honest!!
  9. Try not to swamp on your laptop/girlfriends bag/in a cupboard/on yourself

    Try also not to phone a filthy 0898 chat line on your oppos mobile then fall asleep for 8 hours

    Cooking over a naked flame is to be avoided after 23.30
  10. Are there many on this site who'd know what a KaiTai is/was :?:

    Many a happy drink taken in the Lorongs - as Cher said 'If I could turn back time.....' :)
  11. Ah Kai Tais,Bugis st, Singers, when the police arrive they fade into the shadows,leaving the fuglies.
  12. Dont tell the bloke that just asked you for your ID card to f88k off!
    (me and my oppo John English did just this in our 1st leave from Raleigh,it turned out he was a Joss on leave as well!OOOOOOOps!)
  13. Don’t treat your wife as your personal Chef / Steward / Dhobi Walla / NAAFI person / Writer, etc. Repeated offences can and will be used in evidence against you and completely [email protected]$$ her off resulting is possible closed gangway! :oops:
  14. Ask to see his authority, ID Card, Plod Warrant Card etc. If this fails to appear then tell him to Feck Off.

  15. PS Remember its not the uniform that makes a Joss or Plod its the Identity Card/Warrant Card
  16. Never refer to your sisters corporate-executive husband as a "Fcukin' REMF."

    Your mother doesn't need to know the "good parts" of your liberty in Naples.
  17. Don't piss in the sink in your bedroom. Houses don't have night heads, apparently....
  18. or rock up to nearest base (RAAF)
    Hey doc,I think Im rotten again,.....smilying proudly.
    Bugis Street - got tits - legal!!
    BTW - NSU, hand jobs for a week
  19. As most of us seem to be frightening off the youngsters with our tales of the Old Navy, I suspect most of us do know. Personally I think telling your mum about the kaitai is worth it just for the expression on her face: and as for dad :lol: :lol: :lol:

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