Things Kids Say...

R12_CV

Lantern Swinger
#1
So there was Mrs R12 robbing the ATM in town when our 8 yo lad wanders over to the squaddies recruiting...

'What are you doing?' asks R12 Jr
'Recruiting soldiers, son' said the nice chap
'Can I join please?' asks Jr
'Sorry lad but your too young' said the tall green guy
'But I want to take out some Taliban!' demands Jr

This caused the three pongos to wet themselves laughing, while Jr walks away dismayed... :thumright:
 

TheAaronP

Lantern Swinger
#2
Haha good job, a little curious why an 8 year old with no real concept of wars (in my experience, your little one might be different of course) is walking around saying he wants to kill members of the Taliban.

lol
 
#3
R12_CV said:
So there was Mrs R12 robbing the ATM in town when our 8 yo lad wanders over to the squaddies recruiting...

'What are you doing?' asks R12 Jr
'Recruiting soldiers, son' said the nice chap
'Can I join please?' asks Jr
'Sorry lad but your too young' said the tall green guy
'But I want to take out some Taliban!' demands Jr

This caused the three pongos to wet themselves laughing, while Jr walks away dismayed... :thumright:

Bless his cotton socks , lol , :thumright:
 

Guns

War Hero
Moderator
#5
Advice from Kids:

"Never trust a dog to watch your food."
* Patrick, age 10

"When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?' Don't
answer."
* Hannah, age 9

"Never tell your Mom her diet's not working."
* Michael, age14

"Stay away from prunes."
* Randy, age 9

"Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to."
* Emily, age10

"When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair."
* Taylia, age 11

"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your
school assignment."
* Traci, age 14

"A puppy always has bad breath-even after eating a Tic-Tac."
* Andrew, age 9

"Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time."
* Kyoyo, age 11

"You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk."
* Amir, age 9

"Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts."
* Kellie, age 11

"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse."
* Naomi, age 15

"Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick."
* Lauren, age 9

"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat."
* Joel, age 10

"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's
on
the phone."
* Alyesha, age 13

"Never try to baptize a cat."
* Eileen, age 8
 

R12_CV

Lantern Swinger
#6
TheAaronP said:
Haha good job, a little curious why an 8 year old with no real concept of wars (in my experience, your little one might be different of course) is walking around saying he wants to kill members of the Taliban.

lol
Jr is special...he reads a lot. So much so he is educated at home as school couldn't keep up with him!
High Functioning Autism, specifically Aspergers, is what he was diagnosed with...

He understands;
A particle accelerator (the one in France)
The Battle of Traf
Some Latin
The Pulmonary System
and even the current US electoral situation!

His hero is W.Churchill.
After Lego Bionicle's, his favourite website is Wikipedia.

During a visit to ModelZone in Notts, he marched up to the counter (without any confirmation from ourselves) and enquired as to the price of a remote controlled tank he took a shine to;

'Excuse me sir (he really did say Sir), how much is the tank?'
'£120 for the pair' said the salesman
'But I only want one tank' said jr
'OK, I'll let you have one tank for £120 and I'll let you have another one free!' said the clever man
'I'll do you a deal, £10 and everything I've got in my pocket, for one tank!'

Jr then empties his pocket of around 14 pence onto the counter, only to hear the salesman and his mate laughing ecstatically.

All this whilst I kept a discreet distance observing.


Another visit to town when he was only 6, saw a street sales rep trying to sell Talk-Talk broadband to Mrs R12.
Jr immediately ran up to mum shouting
'NOOOO...I SAW THESE ON WATCHDOG, THEY'RE SCAMMERS, STAY AWAY FROM THEM!!'
 

Seaweed

War Hero
Book Reviewer
#7
Canadian cousin of mine aged 2 to 3 or so, running round the garden in the summer, hand down the back of his trunks .. suddenly annnounces: "THERE'S A HOLE IN MY BOTTOM!'
 

babystew

Lantern Swinger
#8
when my daughter was seven, her teacher asked the class to write about family life, my daughters just said when my mum leaves me at school she goes to the pub all day. she didn't bother to mention my wife was the cook.
 
#12
Note to self, must watch what i say in front of 3 yr old. The irish ratfink cat we have (more commonly known as Murphy) was being his normal annoying self walking all over the computer keyboard this afternoon.
Me " Murphy will you stop it!!"
3 yr old " Murphy, Mum means bloody sod off and leave her alone"
!!! queue me biting lip and trying not to laugh!
 

Seaweed

War Hero
Book Reviewer
#13
Age 6 or 7 or so, our sons' classes had to write in a 'News Book' every day. The teachers must have had a lot of laughs. At one leaving do a line was read out from one of the kids' books (with name (NOT OURS!)!!) 'Mummy and Daddy had a bath together'. What else I wonder?
 
#15
Worst things that could be said by child:-

"I'm joining the ARMY - gutted at first but proud as punch when we dropped him off at Sandhurst, but if he thinks he is getting saluted THINK AGAIN.
 
#16
5 year old grandson sat on train with myself, Mrs SS, his mum and dad, happily eating an ice cream, when the top falls off onto the floor

"oh deary, deary me" says little SS

Mrs SS compliments him on not loosing his rag over the ice cream

Little SS promplty replies " well I'm not aloud to say oh fcuking hell"

cue, false stern face, whilst trying not to lacerate the inside of my lip with my teeth

Same little git on the "Albion" stood at the small arms display manned by two rather large bootnecks. Little SS casually mentions as he is trying to heft an SA80 into his shoulder "whats it like being a soldier" to the booties.

Royal starts explaining about him being a Royal Marine and not a squaddie when little SS pipes up "yes, yes I know all that but Grandad said that if I said that to you I would get a bite"

Walking along the beach with Little SS and Mrs SS, when a seagull lands about two feet away. Little SS "look Grandma a Shi%^hawk" cue cuff round the back of the head for me from Mrs SS. What did I say?
 
#17
Recently had the family over for sunday dinner, (a rare occassion where everyone seemed to be nearby!), Mum's and Dad's, bothers and sisters, hubby's Nana, and various offspring were in attendance.

Out of the blue our eight year old son piped up at the top of his voice "Daddy, did you know that if you tickle a woman's cliterous it makes her happy??!!"

Cue stunned looked, dropped jaws,forks of food frozen half way to the mouth....... Followed by gales of laughter!!!
 
#18
First few days in Gib – daughter [6 year old] comes and asks if she can help her new friends look for some car key’s in the play area outside of the flat. I heard her before I saw her, she came back about 10 mins later screaming that they were actually looking for and found cockroaches [cockies]. Bless…. she finally got used to the accent and still doesn’t sound like a Geordie even after all these years [returned from Gib in 1997]. :lol:
 

wet_blobby

War Hero
Moderator
#19
This tale was told to me by my daughter..........

Sex education class.

Teacher.... And when you get a bit older you'll get hair down there, it's called puberty

Stacy...No, I'm not getting hair down there

Teacher..Yes Stacy you will

Stacy..No, I wont.

Teacher...Yes Stacy, you will it happens to everyone.

Stacy... No I wont, my mum hasn't.
 
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