A father entered his daughter's bedroom and saw a letter on the bed With the worst premonition, he read it with trembling hands. Dear Mum and Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I've eloped with my new boyfriend. I've found real love and he is so nice. Especially with all his piercings, tattoos and his motorcycle. But it's not only that, I'm pregnant, and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his caravan in the woods. He wants to have more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends. They're the one's providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want. In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the AIDS cure so Ahmed gets better. He deserves it. Don't worry about money. Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement. Apparently I earn money by the scene. I get a bonus if there are more than three men in the scene and extra if they use the dog and the horse. Don't worry Mum. Now I'm 15 years old, I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren. Your loving daughter, Hannah P.S. Dad, it's not true. I'm watching TV at Julie's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than England being beat on penalties again. I love you.