Thick or What?

Discussion in 'The Quarterdeck' started by NotmeChief, May 11, 2010.

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  1. [​IMG]

    NEW YORK - resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family
    when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance
    on the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.'

    Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question
    and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing 'the absolute worst use
    of lifelines ever.' After being introduced to the show's host
    Meredith Vieira, Evans was posed with a typically easy initial $100 question.

    The question was: 'Which of the following is the largest?'

    A) A Peanut
    B) An Elephant
    C) The Moon
    D) Hey, who you calling large?

    Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she did not
    readily know the answer. 'Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie,' said Evans,
    as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief.
    'I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of these things before,
    but I have no idea how large they would be.'

    Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50.
    Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was
    bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly
    easy question, Evans still remained unsure.

    'Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!' exclaimed Evans.
    'Darn. I think I better phone a friend.'
    Mrs. Evans asked to be connected with her friend
    Betsy, who is an office assistant.

    'Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on TV!' said Evans,
    wasting the first seven seconds of her call.
    'Ok, I got an important question. Which of the following is the largest?
    B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds hun.'
    Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon.
    Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds.
    'Betsy, are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure are you? Duh, that can't be it.'

    To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend's
    advice. 'I just don't know if I can trust Betsy. She's not all that bright.
    So I think I'd like to ask the audience,' said Evans.

    Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor of
    answer C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her lifelines,
    Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life.

    'Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm thinking,' said the
    too-stupid-to-live Evans. 'But you know, sometimes you just got to go with
    your gut. So, let's see... I'm going to have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer.'

    Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated breath -
    and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C, 'The Moon.'

    Caution...they walk among us!
  2. This one requires no explanation.




    If you look at the quality of the writing in the different boxes though, it looks photoshop
  3. Urban myth

    Not true
  4. This one is true, though. I remember watching it live and finding it hard to stop laughing when she chose Marsupial as both a type of animal and an Archbishop.

    I had visions of the Anglican Church having such a person as The Marsupial of All England.
  5. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    How about these answers, from "Family Fortunes"?

    An animal you cannot fit into a Mini car: "Mouse.."

    A food that has one or more holes in it: "Spaghetti.." (Anthony Costa was no doubt thinking of Spaghetti Hoops. The delightful Costa family also produced the 'cotton wool' answer below)

    Something made of wool: "Cotton wool.."

    An animal with three letters: "Lion.."

    A bad place to fall asleep: "Concrete.."

    A French ferry port: "Dover.."

    Something you mount: "A mountain.."

    Something you lose when you get older: "Your purse.."

    A sport which involves throwing something: "Tennis.."

    A type of bean: "Lesbian.." (This and the one above were the product of Brian Dowling's fertile imagination, on a celebrity edition of the show, in which the 'purse' answer also arose.)

    Something you would play with in the bath: "A bazooka.."

    Someone you wouldn't swear in front of: "Yourself.."

    A country where Arabic is spoken: "Nigeria.."

    Someone or something whose existence has never been proven: "Hitler.."

    A number you might have to memorise: "Seven.."

    Something that makes you close your eyes: "Dark.."

    Something that comes in pairs: "Rabbits.."

    A way of toasting someone: "Over a fire.."

    A Boy's name beginning with the letter J: "Gerald.."

    An instrument you can play while walking in the street: "A cello.."

    A type of oil: "Sewing-machine oil.."

    A word beginning with Z: "Xylophone.."

    A slang word for a girl: "Slag.."

    An animal with horns: "A bee..."

    A medieval weapon: "Hand-grenade.."

    Something made of wool: "A sheep.." (Interestingly when this question appeared again in a show aired in November 2009, the 'sheep' answer was second most popular among the public surveyed - perhaps influenced by seeing this daft answer so many times over the years.)

    Something a bridegroom might wear: "A dress.."

    Someone you wouldn't expect to see in a strip club: "Animals.."

    An animal with a long tail: "A rabbit.."

    Something a train-spotter would have in his pocket: "A magnifying glass.."

    Something you put out for the birds: "Worms.."

    A way to prevent snoring: "Put a pillow over his face.."

    A word used to describe a very hot day: "A very hot day.."

    A song from 'The Sound Of Music': "Dancing Queen.."
    (Also from the same family: "I wake up each morning..", "The skies are blue..", and "Over the hills and far away..")

    Someone who works early hours: "A burglar.."

    Something made to be wheeled around: "A hammer.."

    A reason for kneeling: "To be beheaded.."

    A nickname for a slim person: "Slimmy.."

    A measurement of liquid: "Paint.."

    Something that's nice to wear next to your skin: "Pants.."

    A famous Dick: "Carrot.."

    A wild animal that's native to Britain: "A bear.."

    Something that Father Christmas does when he comes to your house: "Feeds your pets.."

    Something that comes in 7's: "Fingers.."

    A vocalist known by only one name: "Michael Jackson.."

    A yellow fruit: "Orange.."

    An animal beginning with B: "Bullfrog.."

    Something associated with Liverpool: "The Yellow Brick Road.."

    A boy mentioned in a nursery rhyme: "Little Red Riding Hood.."

    Something associated with Queen Victoria: "Her husbands.."

    Something you hide in your socks when you go swimming: "Your legs.."

    A place you would keep a pen: "A zoo.."

    Something you beat: "An apple.."

    Something associated with rain: "Water.."

    An animal that lives in the English countryside: "A lion.."

    Something you make into a ball: "Eggs.."

    A game that uses a black ball: "Darts.."

    A popular TV soap: "Dove.."

    Other than 'carrier', a type of bag: "Horse.."

    Something you might find in a garage: "a grand piano.."

    Something a Frenchman would say: "On Garde.."

    A fast animal: "A hippo.."

    Something you keep in the garden: "A cat.."

    Something that gives you goosebumps: "Mumps.."

    A character from Little Red Riding Hood: "Hansel and Gretel.."

    Something that has a shell: "Batman.."

    Any dance apart from the waltz: "The ball dance.."

    Something a policeman might say: "Spread 'em.."

    Something that frightens Dracula: "The King of the Vampires.."

    A non-living object with legs: "A plant.."

    A sign of the Zodiac: "April.."

    An animal associated with a nursery rhyme: "Andy Pandy.."

    A mode of transport that you can walk in: "Your shoes.."

    An animal with big ears: "A bear.."

    Something you do on water: "Wallpaper.."

    A musical instrument you can play in the bath: "A drum kit.."

    Something associated with Egypt: "Cigars.."

    A part of your body you only have one of: "Your big toe.."

    Something you pull: "A potato.."

    An animal used as a form of transport: "A turtle.."

    A famous Phil or Philip: "Phil Johnson.."

    A habit people try to give up: "Spitting.."

    A Thunderbirds character: "Doctor Spock.."

    Another TV gameshow with the word 'family' in the title: "The Generation Game.."

    A seaside resort on the south coast: " Rio de Janeiro.."

    Something you open other than a door: "Your bowels.."

    Something with a red light on it: "a Dalek.."

    Something that makes you scream: "A squirrel.."

    A food than can easily be eaten without chewing: "Chips.."

    A type of record: "A floppy disk.."

    A type of large cat: "Persian.."

    A job that a working dog does: "A slave.."

    Something people might be allergic to: "Skiing.."

    An occupation where you need a torch: "A burglar.."

    A well known superstition: "Running in front of a car.."

    Something you use a microchip in: "A fish-fryer.."

    A dangerous race: "The Arabs.."

    A game played in the dark: "Charades.."

    Some famous brothers: "Bonnie and Clyde.."

    A jacket potato topping: "Jam.."

    A part of the body you have more than two of: "Arms.."

    Something you find on a fire engine: "Coal.."

    A famous royal: "Mail.."

    Something you do before going to bed: "Sleep.."

    An item of clothing worn by the Three Muskateers: "A horse.."

    An animal you see at the zoo: "Dog.."

    Something you might do in a power cut: "Read a book.."

    A famous Parisian landmark: "Hawaii.."

    One of Harry Enfield's characters: "Sooty.."

    A famous Irishman: "Disraeli.."

    The first place detectives look for fingerprints: "The floor.."

    Something you associate with the sea: "A coffin.."

    A famous Arthur: "Shakespeare.."

    A type of cut: "Skull.."

    A weapon in the game of Cluedo: "Dice.."

    Something people take to the beach: "Turkey.."

    A reason someone digs a hole in the road: "Grave digger.."

    An ingredient in chicken stuffing: "Chicken.."

    Something a girl should know about a man before marrying him: "His name.."

    A bird with a long neck: "A blackbird.."

    A bird with a long neck (2): "Naomi Campbell.."

    An item of clothing a woman might borrow from a man: "Underpants.."

    Something taken from a hotel as a souvenir: "The lamps.."

    Something you keep in a garden shed: "A gardener.."

    A song with moon in the title: "Blue Suede Moon.."

    A famous cowboy: "Buck Rogers.."

    A famous Wild-West character: "Wild Bill Eacock.."

    Something you'd associate with the three bears: "Red Riding Hood.."

    Fruit used in fruit salad: "Cucumber.."

    Something you wear on the beach: "A deckchair.."

    A method of cooking fish: "Cod.."

    Something you borrow from your partner: "Shoes.."

    A part of the body beginning with N: "Knee.."

    A famous Scotsman: "Vinnie Jones.."

    A famous Scotsman (2): "Jock.."

    Something red: "My cardigan.."

    A kind of ache: "Fillet-o-fish.."

    Something you open other than a door: "Your bowels.."

    Something with a hole in it: "A window.."

    Something you do in the bathroom: "Decorate.."

    Something you put on walls: "Roofs.."

    A domestic animal: "A leopard.."

    Something that floats in the bath: "Water.."

    Something in the garden that's green: "The shed.."

    Something a blind man might use: "A sword.."

    The last thing you take off before going to bed: "Your feet.."

    Something that flies without an engine: "A bicycle with wings.."

    :shock: :lol:
  6. That is TRULY brilliant. I have only just managed to clear away my tears of laughter to type. I absolutely love the 'Something that makes you scream......a squirrel'.

    Next is copy and paste to an email.

    Cheered up a dull day in Tokyo :D

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