There was a Scotsman an Italian and a Chinese man

Discussion in 'The Gash Barge' started by janner, Sep 27, 2008.

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  1. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    An Italian and a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.

    He says to the Italian guy, 'You're in charge of sweeping.'

    To the Scotsman he says, 'You're in charge of shoveling.'

    And to the Chinese guy, 'You're in charge of supplies.'

    He then says, 'Now, I have to leave for a little while. 'I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand.'

    So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.

    He asks the Italian, 'Why didn't you sweep any of it?'

    TheItalian replies, 'I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chineseafella that hea wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.'

    Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says 'And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.'
    The Scotsman replies, 'Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th'
    Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither.'

    The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.

    Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells,


  2. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    a few to make you squirm .......

    Cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says 'Audi!'

    I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar'.

    I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin'.

    I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said ' Tenpin?'

    I said, 'No, permanent.'

    I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?'

    T he guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?'

    I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.'

    I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.'

    I said 'No, just a watch.'

    IMy mate is in love with two schoolbags.

    He's bisatchel.

    I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his

    name, it's P something T something R.

    I was reading this book today, ' T he History Of Glue'.

    I couldn't put it down.

    I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just

    went on and on.

    I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said,

    'You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana.'

    He said, 'No, this is for the custard.'

    I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre.

    She said, 'Are you having me on?'

    I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you


    I phoned the local builders today; I said to them 'Can I have a skip

    outside my house?'

    He said, 'I'm not stopping you!'

    I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.

    He said, 'How flexible are you?'

    I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'
  3. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Janner: All attributed to the the stand up comedian, Tim Vine... :thumright:

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