The Wire Brush Joke

#1
A senior general (think of Stephen Fry as General Melchett) is visiting a field hospital during the First World War. He comes into a ward and approaches the first bed, where the soldier struggles to come to attention, lying down.
"At ease," says the general. "Why are you here?"
"Piles, sir. Chronic piles. Can't walk sir on account of the piles."
"I see" says the general. "What treatment are you being given?"
"Wire brush, sir. Wire brush morning and evening."
"Jolly good. jolly good. And what do you want most in life?"
"I want to get better so I can go out and kill the Hun for King and Country, sir."
"First rate. Carry on." And the general goes to the next bed.

"At ease," says the general to the next chap. "Why are you here?"
"Crabs sir. Chronic infestation of crabs."
"I see," says the general, easing away a little. "What treatment?"
"Wire brush sir. Morning and evening, wire brush."
"Excellent. First class. And what do you most want in life?"
"I want to get well so I can kill hundreds of the bosche, sir."
"That's the spirit," and the general moves on to the third bed.

"At ease," says the general. "What are you in hospital for?"
"Pyorrheoa, sir. Chronic infection of the gums."
"Yes, good, good. What treatment?"
"Wire brush, sir. Morning and evening, wire brush."
"That's the spirit. And what do you desire most in life?"
"To get my hands on the wire brush before those two bastards use it."
 

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