The Wife

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by janner, Jan 20, 2013.

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  1. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    Went out last night and got really wasted.
    I woke up next to a fat bird who was snoring and farting.
    At least I knew I’d got home OK!!

    The wife's back on the warpath again.

    She was up for making a home movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

    I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.

    My next s**t could spell disaster.

    My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them.

    It was my own fault.
    I should have taken them off.

    I woke up this morning at 8 and could tell something was wrong.

    I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!
    I panicked, I didn’t know what to do.
    Then I remembered Wetherspoons serve breakfast until 11.30.

    After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday.
    But strangely enough, once she killed herself I started to feel a whole lot better.
    So I thought "Sod it". I'll soldier on.

    And finally . . .

    I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.
    Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it!

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  2. Stolen Janner, to share amongst the wider service community.

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