The Volunteer


War Hero
Here' s my latest bit of nonsense....hope you like it...

The Volunteer

When I was young and started school my grandpa said 'look here'..
“geta desk right at the back, an never volunteer”
And so this was my golden rule for many years to come..
a form of self protection and a rigid rule of thumb..

On leaving school my mother said ..'Wot you doing here'
then marched me down the Navy ...she had me by the ear
A big mistake... for I soon found that looking after me
wasn't quite as easy when bouncing round at sea..

But I soon had my 'hidey hole' and so was rarely seen,
my part of ship was hard to find and very VERY clean
Here was where I spent my days not coming out out a lot,
just on golden eagle day, an when I drew my tot.

Then I got a draft chit ..I couldn't believe my eyes..
'To Dolphin then to submarines'.... it was a big surprise..
I went to see my DO to ask him what to do.
He looked me up and down a bit and then said “who are you?”

Soon I found myself at sea..or rather under it..
with nowhere nice to lay my head or room to stow my kit
the smell of unwashed bodies just would not believe..
so I wrote to my MP ...and asked to be relieved

He said that I must understand, there always had to be
sailors who were brave and strong to work beneath the sea.
who didn't mind discomfort and served without complaint...
I told him I was detailed off and brave and strong I ain't..

Then I found it weren’t so bad ..I liked the life on boats
the money an. the runs ashore had given me new hope
so while others rose to dizzy heights an got their senior rate..
I was happy with my blue card drinking with my mates

When my time came to leave the mob..I never shed a tear
and soon was working all hours as a heating engineer.
Then I discovered overtime, so worked ten hours a day
Still I was working half as long and getting twice the pay....

One day I went to Dolphin to have alook around
and when I saw Aliance I knew that I had found
a piece of me I'd left behind....something I had to do …
So I went to see the man and joined the daytime crew...

This week my grandson started school..I took him to the gate
He is the apple of my eye but more than that a mate.
so as he climbed out of the car..I whispered in his ear ….

“geta desk right at the back, ..... an never volunteer”



War Hero
Very limited experience on boats. I spent a day beneath the waves on Orpheus as a baby bunting, they said it was part of my training......I failed to see that as there was no flagdeck on I progressed up the greasy pole the penny I was involved in ASW from the surface angle,(ops room) I could empathise with the soap dodgers below when things go bang.....close to the casing, and the sound of the destroyers propellers just above you. It was a long time ago but I'll never forget the first thing I was asked when boarding......'Next of kin?'