The Trooping of Jesus

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Rumrat, Apr 4, 2010.

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  1. Well its about time the truth came out about this topic.
    If I had of been JC's Divisional Officer, I recon I could have got him off, but we need to see what really happened.

    Phase 1:- Jesus is bimbeling around enjoying a run ashore having been at sea with the big Fisherman. He is admittedly cheating a bit making his own wine from water, but lets face it we've all distilled a bit of Hooch on the side, chateau "Bluebell". Anyway there he is with his oppo's spinning a few parable dits, and even lashes them up to big eats. Then he falls foul of the local priests, Judas comes over and tries to snog his ear, and Tommo has drunk so much he hears voices. You wont recognise me in the morning JC tells him. I'm having trouble seeing you now he says, that wine is fucking strong. Blood of Christ says JC, I thought it was White lightning says Tommo.
    So they send for Percy Roman, (Blackcat JJ Bergen, etc) and they drag him off to cells, and then next day he get's officer of the day's, where he is ordered to be flogged around the fleet, not the kind of "Lashing up" I would have in mind.
    So he tells them he don't give a shit what they do, and he intends to keep doing it.My dad's the king he tells them. That's fuck all says Wrecks I was a PO submariner, that's bestest.
    So the head priest ( Wreckerl) tells his staff he can't try Jesus, so he's passed over to Captain's table.
    Phase 2.
    Jesus gets pulled up in front of Pontius Pilate (Witsend the Skipper) who tells him he's in the shite, but is not quite sure why.
    I ain't done nowt he tells Wits what's the charge?
    Telling bad dits to Newbies he's told, and he asks how?
    Look don't start on me replies wits "Hitler liked pasta didn't he"?
    What the fucks that got to do with it asks JC?
    I don't know says wits, but it sounds so profound.
    I'm going to pass this to the ships company he says, ask them what they want.
    Phase 3.
    Well the People by this time had had their tot and were not to functional as the head of the Regs (Tribune Pepper) had issued neaters and 1 in 1 for the OD's.
    Do you want to award pun to JC ask's Wits, or do I acquit and weigh off this other Robbin, murdering, rapist.
    Who is it, that's done all the other crap asks the multitude?
    Sound's like a , player they agree, whats JC done anyway?
    Crap dits says Wreckerl and he's making his own booze.
    So the crew have a think and it's agreed that he won't get much pun if convicted but the other villain (2DD ) will get 28 days at the very least.
    We choose JC say the crew (The wrecker crew ..did you see that coming?)

    Phase 4. By now Pontius Wit is really threaders as Nails has resurfaced, and suspecting that another is a Walt, he's working on "Outing" him.
    What we doing with JC asks his no2?
    Oh I don't care I'm going for a bath and dhob's he says.
    Get that friggin rumrat to run my bath.
    Meanwhile the chippy has knocked JC up a friggin great wooden cross.
    Should have stuck out for an Iron one thinks JC but at least its not one of them cheap B&Q buggers.
    So they march him off to calvary, or the cavalry march him off (Can't remember its so long ago, even granny was a Leading Hand.)
    So 2DD gets acquitted, JC gets crucified with two other defaulters, and everyone else gets a make a mend every Easter now.
    JC gets resurrected, gets rated Jimmy the one in heaven, and the rest of us get egg banjo's.
    Happy Easter. :D
  2. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Outstanding dit, however I'm a bit perplexed (be gentle I'm an ex booty) There's no chocolate, fair do's with the religious malarkey but what about the true meaning of Easter, where's the Easter eggs and hollow bunnies?
  3. Could I be the easter "Bunny" I was once in a jungle. :D
  4. F***ing great dit! :lol: :lol:

    Sorry I missed it over the weekend, I was too busy in Church you see.
  5. Inspired dit....potential for a movie, cast from defaulters Pompey Barracks, cost of two days pay.... and an 'extenders' to do it in :)
  6. I thought the virgin Mary could be played by Aggie Weston, and Mary Magdalene ......Big Silvie. :D 8O
  7. And for the three wise men (a sequel?) you could substitute the three Chatham Ladies... :D
  8. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Rummers. Such eloquence and damn fine prose. I salute you Sir.

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