The Tossing Train Driver

#1
In view of the report in todays papers of the train driver pleasuring himself with a porn mag whilst travelling at over 100mph I was wondering what the platform announcer would say over the tannoy to waiting passengers such as the obvious:
"The train from Portsmouth will be coming into the staion shortly"
"The train from Newcastle has been slightly delayed but will arrive on time as the driver has put a spurt on!"
I'm sure you can do better than my crap effort[although done in 5 mins. :?:
 
#4
At first the passengers were sh!tting it when the conductor blurted through the tannoy: "The driver's just had a stroke!"
 
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