The thread of random good ideas. (Or make Rumrat rich thread)

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Rumrat, Jan 7, 2013.

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  1. So of late I have had a bit of fair fortune and got a bit of cash to invest. (Fuck off Blackrat save the postage on the begging letters).
    What I need is a bit of a RR dragons den but with a slight difference, you provide the ideas, I use them and if I get rich I tell you to fuck off just as I would whilst I'm poor.
    So come on someone must have a money spinner, I already posted mine sometime ago but had no takers.
    Don't know what the fuck was up with you lot, it wasn't racism I proposed it was simply cold blooded murder, there is a difference.
     
  2. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Here's a good idea.

    Give me the money or i'll fucking kill you.
     
  3. Here's a better idea,
    Bite me.
     
  4. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Will i still get the money?
     
  5. I don't think so.
    Will it leave a bad taste in your mouth?
     
  6. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    If i bite you? I fear so.
     
  7. How about a clothes line with built in clothes pegs? Save all that fu**ing about on a washday morning,
    a gobful of pegs, a washing basket topped up wiv' wet clobber - and the problem of how to hang it all
    up properly without dropping it on the shit-high patio paving and having to sling it all through the washer
    again. A washing line with robot-pegs with electro sensors that "open" when you shove the wifes kecks
    up against it, and then go into "auto-grip" until it's all nice'n'dry.

    The other idea I have is a torch, with a built in emergency torch built into it so that when the batteries
    go tits up in the non-built in one, the built-in standby torch that's been built-in can be used as a standby
    torch until the actual torch with the duff batteries can be sorted out and the standby (built-in) switched
    off and used as the built-in standby torch again.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  8. I think bulled up black trainers for coppers so they look smart but they can still run after criminals! I dont like seeing them being outrun by people and NO IT ISNT BECAUSE THEY ARE UNFIT it is because of the ill fitting clunky footwear!!!
     
  9. How about a plate with a fan in the bottom, if the nosh is too hot, turn on the fan 'till its cooled
     
  10. *The Ladies-Lite-Luggage System*

    The *Lite-Luggage System* (Patents pending).
    Sick of them bastards at the airport telling you that you've packed too much to go on holiday with?
    Have to pay extra for all her fu**ing changes of clothes, hairdriers, curling tongs, make-up and
    several extra unwanted kilos of assorted shite that women insist is vital to their enjoyment of 2
    weeks all-inclusive in Corfu?
    Well! Now you can give the airport check in "weigh-my-luggage" bitch the finger with the new
    *Lite-Luggage System*
    She can pack every wardrobe and drawer in the bedroom into one of these beauties! Initially,
    it'll weigh about half a ton and will probably fuck up your cars suspension on the journey to
    your local airport......but.....on arrival at your departure point and just before you chuck it
    on the conveyor at the Check-in desk you activate the external Helium gas cylinder.
    This will fill the luggage interior with compressed Helium, and you simply disconnect the
    empty cylinder and fling it in the nearest gash bin.
    The *Lite-Luggage System* suitcase will now virtually hover over the waiting conveyor belt,
    thus confusing the twat who wants to charge you extra, as these suitcases are MASSIVE,
    but end up weighing sweet fuck-all. They are completely airtight....and you will NEVER get
    charged extra for any luggage EVER AGAIN!
    On arrival at your holiday resort, simply activate the *Lite-Luggage System* vents to release all
    the trapped gas.
    NOTE: It is advisable not to flash a tab up during this procedure as you may actually blow the
    hotel up, which will cancel your holiday insurance.

    * * * * * *
     
  11. One I've nicked from the Monster raving Looney Party but has merit.

    Put chemicals in dog food so that when they have a dump on the pavement and the owners can't be bothered to pick it up, the chemicals cause the shit to fluoresce (that means emit light or glow if you prefer Rummers) so that at night you can see the stuff and not tread in it.

    It could also save on street lighting but places like Gosport would probably be visible from the moon.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  12. What a bright idea !
     
  13. Yes yes Wrecker, but what the fuck is dog food.
    Don't they feed themselves?
     
  14. This idea is giving me an alternative idea which in turn is giving me a herd on.
    I open a clinic for fat old biddies and shove a helium gas cylinder up their arse before weighing them.
    A couple of fun house mirrors at the check out end and there we go.
    You ain't getting no money if it catches on I ain't your fuckin mate.
    You ain't got none loser. And if loser has two O's I don't care.
    Where can I get helium from Billy?

    A herd on is like a hard on only theres more than one.
     
  15. A medical breakthrough

    Yesterday afternoon, I formulated a definite cure in the form of a new pill for people like
    me, who suffer with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (O.C.D.) and senile dementia.
    Unfortunately I tidied up a bit and flushed it down the toilet when I was scrubbing it for
    the 20th time that very same afternoon, but I wrote it all down on a whiteboard in the
    dining-room, but alas I cleaned that off as well. Now please excuse me - as I'm off to
    make sure that the front door is locked, then the back door and then the front door and
    I think I might have invented something that was really important but I can't tremember
    what it was, who are you again young man?
     
  16. What I really wish is for someone to invent a red button on the phone so when one of incredibly boring twats who rings up just when the missus puts your scran down in front of you trying to flog double glazing/cheap holidays in Gosportistan etc you just push the button and 30,000 volts screams down their ear and frys their brain! Mark II would be an extra mouse button which does the same thing to internet trolls!
     
  17. I've found the way to piss off those callers is just to say 'could you just hang on a minute while I turn the gas down/close the door/turn the radio down, or whatever.......then put the phone down on the table............. go for walk in the garden/put the kettle on/clean the car or whatever...........time is money ....and the more of their time you waste...the more it costs them.
     
  18. Make all roads on a downhill gradient, save a fortune on petrol.
     
  19. Here's one. It might not make anyone rich, but it'll make the UK a bit more interesting. Why don't we re-introduce
    a shed-load of dangerous animals back "into the wild"? We could bring in hundreds of fu**ing nasty Grizzly Bears
    and let 'em loose in all our tranquil and somewhat boring forests - or perhaps the odd gang of slavvering Timber
    wolves. Top the Moors up with snakes and perhaps a few Polar Bears even.
    It would also be nice to fill the rivers with alligators, crocodiles and pirhana fish. Replace the urban fox with the
    urban Mountain Lion or anything else that roars loudly and likes to eat people. I mean - every other country has
    a varied selection of wild life that kills, maims, rips, tears and generally appreciates the taste of human flesh, so
    why the f*ck can't we have some then?
    All we can lay claim to is the odd wasp, hornet, adder and gnat....hardly something to be proud of is it?
    Bring in the big toothed stuff with the claws and the attitude is what I say. It would make a week on a camp
    site down in Cornwall more interesting and it would keep visiting tourists somewhat more alert to the possibility
    of being torn limb from limb on the way back from the camp-site club at closing time. Our wildlife is dull and
    boring...it needs a makeover.
     
    • Like Like x 1

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