This may have been done before, but I was sent it today and thought I would share it with the rest of the great unwashed! Enjoy. A Submariner is not born; he is made out of leftovers! God built the world and the animals and then recycled the gash to create this dastardly weapon. He took the leftover roar of the lion, the howl of the hyena, the clumsiness of the ox, the stubbornness of the mule, the slyness of the fox, the wildness of the bull and the pride of a peacock - then added the filthy evil mind of the devil to satisfy his weird sense of humour. A Submariner evolved into a crude combination of John Dillinger, Errol Flynn, Beau Brummel and Valentino - a swashbuckling - beer-swilling - lovemaking - LIAR! A Submariner likes girls, rum, beer, fights, uckers, runs ashore, pubs, jokes, long leave, his mates and his ticket. He hates officers, rounds, divisions, saluting middies, naval police, painting the side, jaunties, navy scran, his turn in the barrel and signing on! A Submariner comes in four colours; white, off white, dirty and filthy - all looking alike under a tan and a uniform. He is brave drinking beer, abusive playing crib, brutal defending his pride and passionate making love. He can start a brawl, create a disaster, offend the law, piss off a skimmer, and make you lose your money, your temper and your mind! He can take your sister, your mother, your aunt, and when he is caught get his captain to vouch for his integrity. A Submariner is loved by all mothers, sisters, aunts and nieces; hated by all fathers, brothers, uncles and nephews. He has a girl in every port and a port in every girl. He breaks more hearts, causes more fights and begets more bastards than any other man, yet when he is off to sea he is missed more than any other! A Submariner is a mean, hard drinking, fast running, mealy mouthed son-of-a-bitch, but when you are in strife he is a strong shoulder to lean on, a pillar of wisdom, and a defender of the faith and cause. He fights for his mate, and dies for his country, without question or hesitation! This is a Submariner! Anon.