The Ships Programme

In the beginning was the Shortcast,
And the Shortcast was completely without substance,
Then came the assumptions,
And the assumptions were without form or direction.
And darkness came upon the face of the workers.

Verilly they did rent their garments and speak unto the Senior Rates, saying,
“Yea, it is an unholy crock of shit and the stench doth offend usâ€.

And the Senior Rates went unto the DepCo, saying,
“It is a pail of excrement and none may abide its odour “.

The DepCo went unto the EWO and crying to the heavens said,
“It is a container of manure, it is very strong such that none here may abide itâ€.

So the EWO went before the 1st Lt saying to him,
“Harken unto me. It is a vessel of fertiliser, and none may abide its strengthâ€.

And the 1st LT went to DHODS. and cried,
“It contains that which aids plant growth, and is very strongâ€

Finally DHODS came before the CDR and raising their faces before God cried loudly,
“It promoteth growth and it is very powerful – see how we are blessedâ€.

Thus the CDR went forward and spoke unto the Captain saying,
“Let not your heart be troubled for this Shortcast will actively promote the growth and efficiency of the Ships Companyâ€.

The Captain looked upon the Shortcast and saw that it was good,