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The Random Thread of Bollocks (NSFW)

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I've realised that could be difficult to read on some devices.
Here's a clearer version:

A couple in Florida, Tito and Amanda Watts, were arrested a few days ago for selling ‘golden tickets to heaven’ to hundreds of people.
They sold the tickets on the street for $99.99 (about sh390,000) per ticket, told buyers the tickets were made from solid gold, and that each ticket reserved the buyer a spot in heaven – simply present the ticket at the pearly gates and you are in.
Tito Watts said in his police statement: ‘I do not care what the police say. The tickets are solid gold. And it was Jesus who gave them to me behind the KFC and told me to sell them so I could get me some money to go to outer space.
I men an alien named Stevie who said if I got the cash together he would take me and my wife on his flying saucer to his planet that is made entirely of drugs.
You should arrest Jesus because he is the one that gave me the golden tickets. I am willing to wear a wire and set Jesus up.’
In her police statement, Amanda Watts said: ‘We just wanted to leave earth and go to space and do drugs. I did not do anything. Tito sold the golden tickets to heaven. I just watched.’
Police say they confiscated $10,000 (sh39m) in cash, drug paraphernalia and a baby alligator.
 
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Its that last line I like - 'a baby alligator'!

Apart from that a normal day in any inner city area!

I don't know, I should think any age alligators would be part of a normal day in inner cities in Florida - I've seen enough dead ones at the sides of their roads.
 
Bellend tries to belittle someone and fails completely, making himself look like an even bigger bellend than he actually is, (if that's even possible).
The bellend.

(Play video from about the 4 minute mark).

 

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