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The Random Thread of Bollocks (NSFW)

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Lantern Swinger
Subject: How to fire an employee



Whether hiring or firing, it comes down to finding the right person with the right qualifications to do the specific job.
1611585281006.png

All the members of the company's Board of Directors were called into the Chairman's office, one after another, until only Ted, the junior member, was left sitting outside.

Finally, it was his turn to be summoned.

Ted entered the office to find the Chairman and the other six Directors seated at the far end of the boardroom table.

Ted was instructed to stand at the other end of the table, which he did.

The Chairman looked Ted squarely in the eye, and with a stern voice, he asked:

"Have you ever had sex with my secretary, Miss Floyd?"

"Oh, no, sir, positively not..!" Ted replied.

"Are you absolutely sure...?" asked the chairman.

"Honest, I've never been close enough to even touch her...!"

"You'd swear to that...?"

"Yes, I swear I've never had sex with Miss Floyd, anytime, anywhere.." insisted Ted.
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"Good.Then YOU fire her."
 

Ballistic

War Hero
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Lantern Swinger
The Hunchback of Notre Dame

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame

sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and

went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had

decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that

he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.

'You have no arms !'

'No matter,' said the man.

'Observe !'



And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.

But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell,

the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church

steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moment before.

As the crowd silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,

'Bishop, who was this man ?'

'I don't know his name,' the bishop sadly replied,

' ............... BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL' ………………….

WAIT ! WAIT ! There's more





The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for

the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said,

'Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very

belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.'

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.



Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.

'What has happened ? Who is this man ?' the first monk asked breathlessly.

'I don't know his name,' sighed the distraught bishop, 'but...'



. . Wait for it .....................................................







'HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER.'
 
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