The Random Thread of Bollocks (NSFW)

[superpom]

Set sail..
Really??
No masts to set them sails on...

Just a fuckin pet peeve of mine..

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Yea, like daily orders stating...'The ship is under sailing orders'..... Such as the Big E....

 

[Sumo]

Should be safe from icebergs, global warming Greta would have melted them all by then with all the hot air she bellows out.

 

[mainbrace]

From an oppo in Oz. I make no apology for the accent / translation!

SAD KIWI STORY

Wiremu, a Maori Nu Zullander, was in Australia to watch the upcoming Rugby World Cup and was not feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor.
"Hey doc, I dun't feel so good, ey" said Wiremu.

The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that he had long existing and advanced prostate problems and that the only cure was testicular removal.

"No way doc" replied Wiremu "I'm gitting a sicond opinion ey!"

The second Aussie doctor gave Wiremu the same diagnosis and also advised him that testicular removal was the only cure. Not surprisingly, Wiremu refused the treatment.

Wiremu was devastated, but with the Rugby World Cup just around the corner he found an expat Maori doctor and decided to get one last opinion from someone he could trust.

The Maori doctor examined him and said: "Wiremu Cuzzy Bro, you huv Prostate suckness ey."

"What's the cure thin doc ?" asked Wiremu hoping for a different answer.

"Wull, Wiremu", said the doctor "Wi're gonna huv to cut off your balls."

"Phew, thunk god for thut!" said Wiremu, "those Aussie bastards wanted to take my test tickets off me!"

 

[Chris P]

From an oppo in Oz. I make no apology for the accent / translation!

SAD KIWI STORY

Accents not bad at all..

 

[Topstop]

Rumoured to have completed the 5 maler miler of death. Sorry.

Former RAF gunner from Edinburgh is now a gay porn star and has been shortlisted for 5 awards

It’s not the most conventional of career changes…

www.edinburghnews.scotsman.com

 

[Taztiff]

My wife has left me because of my insecurities.

No wait, she's back. She just went to make a cup of tea.

 

[Sumo]

Rumoured to have completed the 5 maler miler of death. Sorry.

Former RAF gunner from Edinburgh is now a gay porn star and has been shortlisted for 5 awards

It’s not the most conventional of career changes…

www.edinburghnews.scotsman.com

Obviously transferable skills from his service life.

 

[Dredd]

 

[SONAR-BENDER]

 

[janner]

 

[Biker Buster]

Set sail..
Really??
No masts to set them sails on...

Just a fuckin pet peeve of mine..

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Mine too. The effin news readers say it all the time.

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[WreckerL]

Mine too. The effin news readers say it all the time.

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Your talking to yourself

 

[janner]

 

[Ballistic]

View attachment 55886

 

[Ballistic]

 

[Wightsparker]

I had to think about that one! I reckon you can be a right Strat at times.

 

[Biker Buster]

Your talking to yourself

Huh?!?!

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[Ballistic]

I'm sure he was one of my instructors at Collingwood...

 

[WreckerL]

Huh?!?!

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You answered your own post.

 

[SONAR-BENDER]

Mathematics. This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint..it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in
life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 =
98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 =96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5
= 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20
= 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+
14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty,
that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why some people are where they are!