The Random Thread of Bollocks (NSFW)

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
My missis came home with a new pair of shoes.
"I've bought a pair of fuck me shoes, " she said.
"Great, get them on and lets get upstairs, " I said.
"No, it's not those type, it's the type that are going to make you say, 'Fuck me!' when you see the price!!
 

Biker Buster

Lantern Swinger
How much would you pay for a bottle of Gin ? , bottle of Gordons currently £ 13 , yes this has a fancy bottle and the ingredients are sourced locally but £ 39 !!.........Ow much ?.
-
Yeah jumping on the poncey pretty boy with tats and coiffured beard, drinking gin, hwaaa-hwaa, bandwagon.


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Dredd

War Hero
Super Moderator
Yeah jumping on the poncey pretty boy with tats and coiffured beard, drinking gin, hwaaa-hwaa, bandwagon.


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And these are the kind of twunts that moan about not being able to afford to get on the housing ladder because us oldies have "robbed" them of it.
 

Biker Buster

Lantern Swinger
And these are the kind of twunts that moan about not being able to afford to get on the housing ladder because us oldies have "robbed" them of it.
And rolling around in tears because no-one understands how it feels to be shut indoors for 10 whole days..



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SONAR-BENDER

War Hero
They are making gin on Gibraltar now. It is called 'Spanking Roger' - I kid you not! Google it to find out why! It's quite a nice drop of stuff too. Comes in about £13 on Gib, but my favourite is Ophir which was £10 a litre last time we were there.

Of course here in town it is just over 4 euros a bottle for supermarket gin, which is fine for JCs and indeed just drinking - makes the legs wobble just like anything else!
 
"We are very proud to launch our environmentally-friendly, plastic-free bottle, which has been designed and manufactured in Yorkshire"
So - looks like we've just invented a new material up here - they could it ...... GLASS

Wonder if it will catch on
 

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
With highs of 33° expected AGAIN today, it's time to ask "could the government have done more?" Downing Street knew about this heatwave weeks ago and have done nothing. Shipments of 400,000 pairs of Speedos and 500,000 bikinis, sun cream and Cornettos have reportedly been sent back as unsafe after media claims the shipment was quarantined a month ago and Boris did nothing.

Karen from Chavington said, "We just don't know if it's safe to go outside and sunbathe because we can't function or think for ourselves. Boris hasn't told us either way and all my obese kids need ice cream and sweets, the Hubby can't get out to rob anyone so we're out of lager and weed, I blame the government entirely"

Meanwhile, anti- heat protesters dressed in thick jumpers chanting "cold lives matter" have marched on London, Big Ben has been removed and a giant Mint Feast put in its place by protesters.
The BBC reported earlier, 'clearly the sun has come out and Downing street have done nothing to prevent it.'
A second heat Wave is expected to hit the UK in 4 weeks time
 

Biker Buster

Lantern Swinger
With highs of 33° expected AGAIN today, it's time to ask "could the government have done more?" Downing Street knew about this heatwave weeks ago and have done nothing. Shipments of 400,000 pairs of Speedos and 500,000 bikinis, sun cream and Cornettos have reportedly been sent back as unsafe after media claims the shipment was quarantined a month ago and Boris did nothing.

Karen from Chavington said, "We just don't know if it's safe to go outside and sunbathe because we can't function or think for ourselves. Boris hasn't told us either way and all my obese kids need ice cream and sweets, the Hubby can't get out to rob anyone so we're out of lager and weed, I blame the government entirely"

Meanwhile, anti- heat protesters dressed in thick jumpers chanting "cold lives matter" have marched on London, Big Ben has been removed and a giant Mint Feast put in its place by protesters.
The BBC reported earlier, 'clearly the sun has come out and Downing street have done nothing to prevent it.'
A second heat Wave is expected to hit the UK in 4 weeks time
The only thing missing at the end is..

"Laura Keunssberg, BBC."

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