The Random Thread of Bollocks (NSFW)

mainbrace

Lantern Swinger
The late Andy Rooney

ANDY ROONEY ON SEX

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory....
I don't remember which I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Question: What's an Australian kiss?
Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?
Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!

 

Sumo

War Hero
Who is it?
The place I knicked it from, it was 3 army personnel killed on duty by a land mine.

There you go, vid is a couple years old.

Only the military could be this sincere. Some of those blokes are almost crying. This was 2013,Corporal Luke Tamatea, 31, of Kawerau, had been killed alongside medic Lance Corporal Jacinda Baker, 26, of Christchurch, and Private Richard Harris, 21, of Pukekohe, when their Humvee was hit by a roadside bomb in Bamiyan province.
 
Last edited:
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
skyvet The random thread of NO bollocks! Diamond Lil's 0
Rumrat The thread of random good ideas. (Or make Rumrat rich thread) Diamond Lil's 35
N The Random Thread of Mingingness Diamond Lil's 126
BillyNoMates The random thread of fluffiness Diamond Lil's 201
MoD_RSS News story: Quantum random number generator microchip for secure communications MoD News 0
B Random questions regarding joining Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 36
LujonSA Where is: some random inconsequential poster... The Gash Barge 28
2_deck_dash Real Ale Random Name Generator. Diamond Lil's 17
S Addicted! Just a little random comment Diamond Lil's 6
soleil Indie: "Random. Fallacious. Arrogant" - The Government's Confused Defence Strategy Current Affairs 3
janner Random thoughts Miscellaneous 0
BFC_69 Random shite sportsmen/women Diamond Lil's 20
Ninja_Stoker Compulsory Random Drugs Tests- 18 RN suspected positive. Current Affairs 142
Stepto Random Monty Python Quotes Diamond Lil's 36
andym Random funny shit. Diamond Lil's 0
Harry_off_the_Hermes First random ten tracks on your mp3 player. Diamond Lil's 33
brazenhussy Random rants................... Diamond Lil's 147
slim Motorists Face Random Booze Tests Current Affairs 33
D Close thread Diamond Lil's 53
F THANK YOU THREAD NOW CLOSED Miscellaneous 42
MoD_RSS Response to FT article and Twitter thread by Peter Foster MoD News 0
BillyNoMates The Lock-Down thread 2020. Diamond Lil's 552
C follow up to parents thread Royal Naval Reserve (RNR) 11
BreathingOutOnTheWayUp Thread Merge Request Site Issues 2
MoD_RSS Press release: Strengthening prisoners’ family ties: the ‘golden thread’ to reducing reoffending MoD News 0
BillyNoMates The P.S.O.F. thread. Diamond Lil's 12
BillyNoMates The 2018 thread of Resolutions Diamond Lil's 69
K Please Delete...Pointless Thread Now :) Joining the Royal Navy 31
C Walt Thread Petitions 45
SONAR-BENDER The 2017 Chrimbo thread Diamond Lil's 322
Stirlin Good News Thread. Diamond Lil's 11
janner Stirlins thread for when He comes back. Diamond Lil's 59
Bad CO Joining Up - A Thread For Parents/Guardians Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 555
woody28 Psychometric- yet another thread Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 2
HHH You Can Edit Your Thread Title Site Issues 0
BillyNoMates The Christmas 2016 Thread. Diamond Lil's 148
BillyNoMates Strange people creating accounts (amended thread title) Miscellaneous 18
Yetiboy48 Wrong thread Blue Jokes 8
GreedoTheFerret Yet another clearance diver thread... Sorry Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 7
mikh Disappeared thread Site Issues 35
A Norman - cumgargling mongtard thread-split. Diamond Lil's 39
F Probably my last ever thread Diamond Lil's 60
P Scottish thread Royal Naval Reserve (RNR) 0
W GYH(T) Thread UPO 1
Ninja_Stoker The "your name here" thread Diamond Lil's 205
SONAR-BENDER The crap journalism thread. Diamond Lil's 12
BillyNoMates RR Members phot thread (Only pics you've taken yourself) Diamond Lil's 1436
soleil Who cooked all the pies? (moved thread) Competitions 14
4 Asthma thread again Health & Fitness 3
Ships_Cat Plot spoilers thread... Films, Music, TV & All Things Artsy 92
Similar threads


















































Latest Threads

New Posts

Top