The Random Thread of Bollocks (NSFW)

Dredd

War Hero
Super Moderator
Things people do when they're bored and it's quiet.
"Scramble, scramble, scramble"

"It's OK skip, I'm already prepped and ready for intercept. Climbing. Climbing. Seem to have picked up some unusual drag though . . . oh bollix. Ooops."
 

Sumo

War Hero
You’ve seen all the TV Commercials.

But what really happens when you ask for help with an Erection lasting more than 4 hours..???

I walked into a Drug store and asked to talk to a Male Pharmacist.

The woman I was speaking with said she was the Only Pharmacist and since she and her Sister owned the store, there were NO Male employees.

She asked if she could help me. I said that I really would have preferred to speak with a male Pharmacist.??

She assured me that she was completely Professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of Professionalism.

I reluctantly agreed and began by saying,

“This is tough for me to discuss, but here goes. I get erections every day that last more than four hours. This condition causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So, I was wondering what you could give me for it”..???

The Pharmacist said, “Just a minute, I’ll talk to my Sister.”

When she returned, she said, “We discussed it at length and here’s the absolute best we can do :-

** Free room and board,

** 1/3 ownership in the Store,

** a Company Car,

** a King Size Bed, and

** £2,000 a month in Living Expenses!!.
 

Sumo

War Hero
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.
A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausages?"
The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am, but let me ask
You something...
If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if
I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"
The assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage,
why then did you ask me if I'm Irish?"
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
The assistant replied, "Because this is Halfords."
 

Sumo

War Hero
I would just like to sincerely apologies to John Clerk for calling him Nobby, I didn’t realise it was associated with arthritic clerks in the dark ages with nobbly knuckles, I feel your pain and humiliation.
Would also like to mention, Dusty Miller, Spud Murphy and Dinger Bell - SORRY and Obviously goes without saying Richard.

Having now had my moment of reflection, can all you tosser get back to work, Please :)
 
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