The Random Thread of Bollocks (NSFW)

Sumo

War Hero
It could happen to anyone???

A little ditty by an unknown poet.

I was drinking in Boobs when a girl caught my eye
She had a ring through her nose and a tattoo on her thigh
I asked her her name and she said “I’m called Gwen”
And she smelt like a horse and she danced like a wren.
She said come on Jack are you game for a laugh
... So we jumped in a fast black and went back to her gaff.
Now the house was in Swilly and on the front door
Was a crest from each ship that had been there before.
I said to her “Gwen that‘s impressive to see”
As it looked like she’d been on twelve more ships than me
It smelt like the mess after a good run ashore
There were lanyards and cap tallies all over the floor.
She walked to the window and sat on the ledge
I put my hand down her knicks and felt a meat and two veg
I tried to get out but she got hold of my leg
It was then I knew Gwen was an ex Killick Reg
I ran out of the door and into the street
With my kegs round my ankles and nout on me feet
Thank god I’d escaped and gave praise to the lord
Got big eats and a taxi and went back onboard
So if you’re in Plymouth and bump into my Gwen
Just remember she’s really a Crusher called Ben
 

Sumo

War Hero
Quite ironic that the big vegan push is in January when most veg is out of season in the uk. This is just a small selection of veg on the shelf in the co-op, which if you look on their Facebook page is really promoting and trying to cash in on the vegan diet. These three items have food miles in excess of 16,600.That’s not including the avocados from chile. How is this diet supposed to be more sustainable than eating grass fed beef?
Don’t be stupid kids,eat British mince and tatties this January!

Vegan.jpg
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
I am sure it was on this site where I read this , bloke bought his new girlfriend some black silk underwear before he got her into bed , turns out her love juice was so acidic it bleached the new knickers crotch area white PDQ.
Any ex -Greenies who did battery king on ships could probably tell us what that lass smelled like.
That would be the acidic smell smell all us submariner greenies were used to, it didn't so much bleach your 8's as eat them!!
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
Quite ironic that the big vegan push is in January when most veg is out of season in the uk. This is just a small selection of veg on the shelf in the co-op, which if you look on their Facebook page is really promoting and trying to cash in on the vegan diet. These three items have food miles in excess of 16,600.That’s not including the avocados from chile. How is this diet supposed to be more sustainable than eating grass fed beef?
Don’t be stupid kids,eat British mince and tatties this January!

View attachment 47217
With Brexit looming and the Remainers wringing their hands saying we're doomed (in a Private Fraser style) as we won't be able to trade with Europe and we'll all starve, how come that veg comes from Kenya, China and Guatemala?

If they're part of Europe how come they're not in Eurovision like that other European country, Israel, or even Australia.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
That would be the acidic smell smell all us submariner greenies were used to, it didn't so much bleach your 8's as eat them!!
How about a Glade Plug-in that wafts the aroma of a diesel boaters sleeping bag all around the house for up to sixty days, occasionally swapping over to the heady scent of a much abused nylon sock?

1-8M-Long-Adults-Warm-Sleeping-Bag-3-Seasons-Sleep-Bag-Siesta-Outdoor-Travel-Hiking-Camping.jpg

That should please visitors, bring back memories and instigate divorce proceedings.
 

Sumo

War Hero
With Brexit looming and the Remainers wringing their hands saying we're doomed (in a Private Fraser style) as we won't be able to trade with Europe and we'll all starve, how come that veg comes from Kenya, China and Guatemala?

If they're part of Europe how come they're not in Eurovision like that other European country, Israel, or even Australia.
Must be a miss print we only trade with EU, the Mail said?
 

Dredd

War Hero
Super Moderator
^ Might be old, but still funny.

In an ironic sort of way.

As it's probably the same pothole.
 

SONAR-BENDER

War Hero
^^^^^^^^

Avocados you say? We are awash with them here! They grow 4 varieties a year and two are in crop just now - Haas and Fuerte - the greeny/purply/knobbly chaps. We are fed up (pun intended!) with prawn and avocado, avacado salad, guacamole.... if only they export some to the UK!

Our dogs steal them off the trees or windfalls and eat them - they love them, but OMG doogy avocado farts are diabolical!
 

Topstop

War Hero
It could happen to anyone???

A little ditty by an unknown poet.

I was drinking in Boobs when a girl caught my eye
She had a ring through her nose and a tattoo on her thigh
I asked her her name and she said “I’m called Gwen”
And she smelt like a horse and she danced like a wren.
She said come on Jack are you game for a laugh
... So we jumped in a fast black and went back to her gaff.
Now the house was in Swilly and on the front door
Was a crest from each ship that had been there before.
I said to her “Gwen that‘s impressive to see”
As it looked like she’d been on twelve more ships than me
It smelt like the mess after a good run ashore
There were lanyards and cap tallies all over the floor.
She walked to the window and sat on the ledge
I put my hand down her knicks and felt a meat and two veg
I tried to get out but she got hold of my leg
It was then I knew Gwen was an ex Killick Reg
I ran out of the door and into the street
With my kegs round my ankles and nout on me feet
Thank god I’d escaped and gave praise to the lord
Got big eats and a taxi and went back onboard
So if you’re in Plymouth and bump into my Gwen
Just remember she’s really a Crusher called Ben
The Crusher was Lance (in the version I saw) one of the few Crushers with Kissing Kippers
 

Similar threads


Latest Threads

New Posts

Top