The Random Thread of Bollocks (NSFW)

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War Hero
"What are you doing - sneaking into my house again, you creepy ******? "
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"Hello June! I've brought you a big box of spuds. I thought you'd appreciate it. I know I'd appreciate a big box..... "

"Oh for fucks sake! Will you stop turning up unannounced with boxes of random vegetables, thinking that you'll get into me nickers at the drop of a radish"
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"But but June! I love you! Just you wait there! I've got a box of cucumbers and a tin of squirty cream out on your patio... just think of the fun we could be having!"

"Right! That's it! If you don't **** off back to your own house RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE..... I will phone the police! I've had enough of your weird antics you sad ******! "
View attachment 45635" Does this mean you won't come back to my place to listen to all the tape recordings that I've made of you going to the toilet over the past eight months then? "

"Very well then, I do this for love! Go ahead - call the police! You can even use my phone.... but before they come to arrest me, can I but ask for one favour?"
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"Anything to get rid of you once and for all.... fuckin' pervert..."

"Would you mind awfully if I stepped into your utility room and sniffed the inside of your washing machine?"
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Bastards, took 6 months to get the money out of them. Phoned them when my Dad died and asked for a claim form,"No need for that, just send a letter with details and signed by all benificiaries". had to wait for a month for the funeral to get by Bros signtaure. no monies just a claims form by return of post. Unable to contact Bro for his sig so had to wait for probate.
 

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War Hero
Tip of the day...

If you are fed up of waiting hours at A & E, or the doctor's, just buy one of these caps off eBay, once you walk in wearing it, 75% of the waiting room will walk out... Simples




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