The Random Thread of Bollocks (NSFW)

BillyNoMates

War Hero
These tossers believe that they can defeat an opponent by using a "Chi force field" which is an ancient martial art form. Chi force field users have to endure years of training before they eventually achieve Chi Master status, which closely resembles someone having a massive painful shit or experiencing an epileptic fit whilst being simultaneously tasered.
Bloody idiots.

 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Brother in law told me this today.

"I've a friend in Fremantle who is a complete health nutcase. Everything he eats has to be healthy and nutritious, so anyway, I was visiting him one day and he made me a cup of healthy ginseng tea while he had his dinner which today was a few pints of milk and slices of dried banana that he was taking out of a large bag on the kitchen worktop. Time passed, we chatted, I finished my ginseng tea and he stopped guzzling milk and munching bits of dried banana because the packet was now empty. He was still extolling the virtues of "eating healthy" when he suddenly clutched his guts, saying "Oooooh mate! I don't feel very well!"
He didn't look so good to me and I was trying to figure out what to do. I picked up the empty dried banana bag and read the label and realisation suddenly dawned on me.
"Mate..." I said.
"You have just eaten the equivalent of thirty two bananas in dried form washed down with three pints of milk. They are now absorbing the milk and are reconstituting themselves into actual bananas so I suggest we get to the nearest hospital and get your stomach pumped before actual banana shaped bananas start forcing their way out of your body through your eye sockets "

(It was at this point that I started spitting my pint of San Miguel all over the table outside The Lord Nelson, Casement Square, Gibraltar).

I must find out how the story ends on the flight back tomorrow.
 

Sumo

War Hero
These tossers believe that they can defeat an opponent by using a "Chi force field" which is an ancient martial art form. Chi force field users have to endure years of training before they eventually achieve Chi Master status, which closely resembles someone having a massive painful shit or experiencing an epileptic fit whilst being simultaneously tasered.
Bloody idiots.

@BillyNoMates are you sure you didn't train these?
 

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