The Random Thread of Bollocks (NSFW)

Some of the 50 gems sent to Auntie*.

Mud Walk! Find out what lives in the mud of Exmouth estuary. Opposite the toilets at Imperial Road Rec.
From Exeter Living Magazine sent in by Orlando Murrin

A 12-week-old kitten was rescued from inside a living room sofa after fire officers chopped it up with hacksaws and hydraulic cutters.
From the Northern Echo sent in by Ian Forsyth

Hello. I’m looking for a free or cheap double mattress. I’m heavily pregnant so I would be extremely grateful if you are also able to deliver.
From an advert spotted on Facebook by Alex Henderson

Ladies and Gentlemen! Drop your trousers here for best results!
A sign spotted outside a London launderette sent in by Caitlin Stevenson

Bristolians will once again be stripping off and getting on their bikes as part of the World Naked Bike Ride. This year’s event will be taking place on Saturday, June 4th and will set off at 11:00am from The Full Moon pub.
From the Bristol Observer sent in by Julien Nioche and JC Ward

"There really are no holes barred when you’re working with someone you love."
From Radio 4’s Saturday Live Facebook Page sent in by Helen Swanston

The first meeting of the Erotic Writing group will take place on April 18th. Please enter via the back gate.
From an email about upcoming events at a Hertfordshire social group sent in by David Brown

Mantle Books have announced that senior editor Sophie Orme will not be returning from maternity leave after an internal restructure.
From Bookseller Weekly sent in by Toby Marshall

Due to unforeseen circumstances, clairvoyant Trisha will not be appearing in the Kevin Bird Suite tomorrow night.
A Tweet from Mansfield Town Football Club sent in by Richard Harvey and Emerson Povey

Latex-free condoms: 5 stars. Reasonable price, came quick.
A review from the Amazon website sent in by Andrew Horler

A monk who posted nude clips on social media has been defrocked.
From Cambodia’s Phnom Penh Post sent in by Bob Couttie

A 72-year-old pensioner who was accused of flashing has claimed that any exposure was unintentional as he was merely crouching down to collect nuts off the pavement.
From the North Wales Daily Post sent in by many

Your legs will be lovely and warm while you tackle the cold outdoors in these men’s thermal trousers. Multiple pockets are a handy feature to keep you essentials close to hand.
An advert for thermal trousers sent in by Maurice Neville

* http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/4zPVvmSPfsPMV3TjkHg16sD/50-hilarious-cuttings-from-the-news-quiz

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b006r9yq
 

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