The Random Thread of Bollocks (NSFW)

There's a special name for it applicable to pensioners who live in the sticks, off the
main utilities grid and rely on their supply of LPG/Oil for the central heating to be
delivered on time.

"The Kill Chill"
 
I left my teeth at home, so I will not bite. Anyway, yesterday (in the freezin' cold) I was tiling
a bit of the outside of my house (please don't ask). The tile cutter was whizzing - splattering
me with bits of tile and mud coloured water, I couldn't see through my spectacles and my
feet were cold. I espied a couple of middle aged blokes patrolling up the other side of the
street knocking on doors and it became apparent that the God Squad had hit town.
After doing the opposite side of the street, they started on my side and eventually ended
up in front of my place.
They complemented me on my tiling skills and then one of 'em tried to hand me what looked
like a business card, saying;
"Here you are. You are cordially invited to a celebration of the birth of our saviour Jesus Christ..."
"Oh - that's nice", I replied.
"Will there be nibbles?"
"Errr well, not exactly".
"What? A party with no nibbles? Even them time share scamming gits gave us a coffee and a
cheese sandwich when they hijacked me and the wife in Crete. You'd think Jesus would go to
vol-au-vents at the very least"
"But you're more than welcome to....."
"Sorry. If there's no nibbles. it's a M.R.U. from me"
"M.R.U.?"
"Much Regret Unable......royal navy term"
"Oh, okay then, but we'll leave you this informat....."
It was at this point that I flashed up the tile cutter, having topped up the water well
again. People got sprayed and one of them wasn't me. I had unfortunately left the
cutter wheel guard up.
It was an accident, honest.
 
I also feel YOUR pain SB - we've had to put up with 24'c shade today, but in a few weeks we'll be getting 38'-40'c and then we'll all be dripping about it being too hot! :cool:
I know, it is just SO tough....! Happily, in the next few weeks, we'll 'only' get around 34, as we always have a lovely cool sea breeze. Half a km inland is well in the 40s! But at the moment it has been wetter than Faslavatory - the only bonus being that it is much warmer, MUCH warmer!
 
I left my teeth at home, so I will not bite. Anyway, yesterday (in the freezin' cold) I was tiling
a bit of the outside of my house (please don't ask). The tile cutter was whizzing - splattering
me with bits of tile and mud coloured water, I couldn't see through my spectacles and my
feet were cold. I espied a couple of middle aged blokes patrolling up the other side of the
street knocking on doors and it became apparent that the God Squad had hit town.
After doing the opposite side of the street, they started on my side and eventually ended
up in front of my place.
They complemented me on my tiling skills and then one of 'em tried to hand me what looked
like a business card, saying;
"Here you are. You are cordially invited to a celebration of the birth of our saviour Jesus Christ..."
"Oh - that's nice", I replied.
"Will there be nibbles?"
"Errr well, not exactly".
"What? A party with no nibbles? Even them time share scamming gits gave us a coffee and a
cheese sandwich when they hijacked me and the wife in Crete. You'd think Jesus would go to
vol-au-vents at the very least"
"But you're more than welcome to....."
"Sorry. If there's no nibbles. it's a M.R.U. from me"
"M.R.U.?"
"Much Regret Unable......royal navy term"
"Oh, okay then, but we'll leave you this informat....."
It was at this point that I flashed up the tile cutter, having topped up the water well
again. People got sprayed and one of them wasn't me. I had unfortunately left the
cutter wheel guard up.
It was an accident, honest.
You are my hero for three five standeasies ;):D
 

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