The Random Thread of Bollocks (NSFW)

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
A wren comes home and tells her matelot husband of 10 years,
"Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" The matelot asks dismayed, "What happened?"
The wren replied, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked. The headaches are all gone."
The matelot husband says he's off to see the hypnotist right now
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wren wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, "Damn! That was wonderful!"
The matelot says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wren wife sits up and her head is spinning.
The matelot again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, the wren quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
'' She's not my wife.
She's not my wife.
She's not my wife.''
 

fishhead

War Hero
Nobody ever recovers from drinking Brickwoods.
Should be a government scheme for matelots and ex matelots to be compensated for drinking the evil stuff
I drank far too much other stuff of dubious quality while serving I cannot pinpoint Brickwoods as being the cause of anything that followed.
 

Ballistic

War Hero
Stay positive

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LifebuoyGhost

Lantern Swinger
A detour to Southwick village near Dryad you could have sampled the home made wine at The Golden Lion , AKA The Beast...red or white if you had too much then you could suffer lockjaw. :eek:
Had some great nights in there Stirl - the Old English wines they used to serve were lethal - and as all the Senior Rates used the other pub - Red Lion I think - the there were no comebacks - it was one happy draft for me
 

LifebuoyGhost

Lantern Swinger
Nobody ever recovers from drinking Brickwoods.
Should be a government scheme for matelots and ex matelots to be compensated for drinking the evil stuff
Didn’t have a great deal of choice at one time - except Watneys Red Barrel or scrumps on a blank week - and that was even worse
 

Stirlin

War Hero
Had some great nights in there Stirl - the Old English wines they used to serve were lethal - and as all the Senior Rates used the other pub - Red Lion I think - the there were no comebacks - it was one happy draft for me
It closed at 2230 so it was a mad dash down the back lane for last orders in the Dryad Club.
I was there for a year March 73 to March 74.....happy daze. :)
 
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