Navy Net - Royal Navy Community

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

The Pembroke dress patrol.


War Hero
I was flying through the dockyard in a panic,
Fuck the chief was gunna bollock me,
It was yesterday he said, that my brain was fuckin dead,
And I was the navy's stupidest OD.
Well he's gunna kick of now and it really ain't my fault,
It was the killick in the barracks whats to blame,
The fuckin Pembroke dress patrol, led by Leading Hand arsehole,
Is the one who's gunna give the chief his pain.

I was coming out of slops all cool and casual,
With my shades in place and hands stuck in my pocket,
And the twat I didn't see, who was stood there pinging me,
Shot across the road to give me a fuckin rocket.
You scruffy looking fucker were his first words,
You're the type of walking scranbag that I hate,
And as his eyes filled up with glee he turned and said to me,
"Fall in on the road and march to the main gate".

Left right, left right, left right the cunt was screaming,
As he marched me down the hill in double time,
Then as soon as we arrived, he gave me polish,
And clean your fuckin "bats" until they shine.
Excuse me hooky these ain't steaming bats I tried to say,
But alas he wasn't interested in me,
These are flight deck boots I said, it went straight above his head,
There are none as blind as those who don't want to see.

So the suede refused to shine as I expected,
And the Leading stoker now was real irate,
He said every fuckin wanker in the dockyard,
Would end up cleaning boots at Pembroke gate,
Eventually he told me I could fuck off,
My patched up shirt made me a fuckin scruffy swine,
I was fuckin mega late so I nipped through the dockyard gate,
And run like fuckin hell to make up time.

Panting hard, with stitch I made it to the flight deck,
The chief pounced on me like a fuckin cat,
Then he clocks my boots and slowly started trembling,
And quietly asks me why I have done that?
Expecting an eruption I starts gibbering,
telling him I'm innocent and all,
But quiet and rather slow he just grins and says I know,
Then turns and walks and doesn't say fuck all.

I now know god lives down in Chatham,
And watches over od's when they stray,
Cus the chief went up the barracks on the warpath,
Demanding that the killick stoker pay.
He had preyed on several fairies in the forenoon,
And I was more or less the final straw,
And though the names he called me hurt, those remarks about my shirt,
The bastard never picked on poor old me no more.
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
MoD_RSS Minister Davies visits Pembroke Dock Marine project set to tackle climate change and boost Swansea Bay Region economy MoD News 0
MoD_RSS HMS Pembroke back in action after Fife refit MoD News 0
E Walk down to HMS PEMBROKE, Chatham Bases / Shore Est 0
MoD_RSS Naval charities receive a massive lift from Pembroke Current Affairs 0
MasterChief HMS PEMBROKE MEMORIAL PARADE Royal Naval Reserve (RNR) 28
MasterChief Chatham. HMS PEMBROKE MEMORIAL PARADE Current Affairs 6
U Phase 2 HMS Collingwood arrival dress code. The Fleet 13
O When is the white mess dress jacket worn? The Quarterdeck 16
M Medical-dress code Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 11
B Appropriate dress code? Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 26
B Dress Sword HMS Argent 1795 History 12
BARNEYRNSM Mess dress worn with greatcoat SCC and URNU 16
A No 1 Ceremonial Dress - recommended tailors? The Quarterdeck 7
M Mess dress onesies club Hobbies & The Great Indoors 15
K Stupid question: presentation evening dress code Royal Naval Reserve (RNR) 8
P Short notice BRNC question regarding dress regs Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 14
Ninja_Stoker Women's Institute welcomes piracy victim wearing fancy dress Current Affairs 12
onions Dress Regs The Quarterdeck 41
R Mess Dress Diamond Lil's 1
Drakey Dress Shirts The Quarterdeck 6
janner Indian head dress Miscellaneous 0
C "Hands to Dress Tidily" The Quarterdeck 25
Scorch FANCY DRESS Blue Jokes 0
D Love Dress Miscellaneous 0
The_Caretaker Fancy Dress Miscellaneous 0
Shakey The Fancy Dress Party Blue Jokes 0
chatsharris A bit of advice needed... (Fancy Dress) Diamond Lil's 33
S Mess Dress The Corps 1
sgtpepperband 2 Oct 10: Fancy Dress Triathlon, Tenby Charity 2
M Fancy Dress - discuss Diamond Lil's 48
A Mess Dress options The Quarterdeck 10
L Dress code at Cranwell The Fleet Air Arm 31
S Fancy Dress Diamond Lil's 9
D Dress to impress for the Recruitment Test? Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 30
2_deck_dash Saints & Sinners fancy dress Diamond Lil's 22
C fancy dress The Quarterdeck 5
A Dress Regs (BR1881?) The Fleet 2
A Dress Regs (BR1881?) Royal Naval Reserve (RNR) 6
S Dress Current Affairs 13
P Pilot wings on No 1 and No 2 Dress? The Fleet Air Arm 18
S Do RM actually dress up as women when they cross the equator The Corps 33
B Beat the retreat- dress code? Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 14
G dress code Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 9
Ninja_Stoker New Dress Code at HMS Raleigh Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 27
L Fancy Dress with a Naval Twist Diamond Lil's 13
A Buying No. 1s and Mess Dress Royal Naval Reserve (RNR) 16
C Dress Uniforms The Corps 3
L Officer Pattern Dress for Warrant Officers The Fleet 23
L Dress Regs The Fleet 21
F Mess Dress/No 1's Royal Naval Reserve (RNR) 21
Similar threads