The next great load of bollocks.

BillyNoMates

War Hero
LRO Steve Cheese. Claimed during his interview to be a karate black belt, Kung Fu master, Kendo instructor and Jujitsu expert having been brought up by Shao lin priests when his parents were killed in a plane crash. We arranged a short demo match with 108 year old Mee Kil Yu, the grandfather of one of our unarmed combat instructors just to check his credentials.

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Stopped the contest after 11 seconds and
sent LRO Cheese on a week's sick leave. He left the RN and now works in a flower shop in Croydon.

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BillyNoMates

War Hero
Naval Airman Casper Rimbottom who thought it would be a great idea to get a tattoo before initial selection. Our gunnery instructor CPO Norman "Psycho" McMayhem however, did not and threw Casper over the bases perimeter fence complete with kitbag. It's thought that the patrol crocodiles had an early lunch.

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BillyNoMates

War Hero
Gary Smegg (AB(1). His mother was constantly sending him Red Cross parcels filled with comics, bags of Haribo sweeties and locks of hair from his collection of pet Guinea pigs. We blew them all up on the parade ground using controlled explosions - the parcels that is because we never got hold of his Guinea pigs.
He eventually ran away and is now an Avon rep in Sunderland. We also don't bother with deserters. Fuck 'em.

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Sumo

War Hero
Gary Smegg (AB(1). His mother was constantly sending him Red Cross parcels filled with comics, bags of Haribo sweeties and locks of hair from his collection of pet Guinea pigs. We blew them all up on the parade ground using controlled explosions - the parcels that is because we never got hold of his Guinea pigs.
He eventually ran away and is now an Avon rep in Sunderland. We also don't bother with deserters. **** 'em.

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Wot like the Wrens?
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
It happened during cold weather exercises in Canada. Whilst on a forced march near Medicine Hat, a distraught farmers daughter ran up to an STC patrol to ask for help in rescuing her three prize winning pedigree siamese cats when they all got stuck at the top of a tree. The three man team devised a plan to extract the cats and STC Gareth "Gravedigger" Green was chosen to lead the rescue mission.
One round from his underslung grenade launcher was all it took. We didn't know he suffered from ailurophobia at the time.

 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Accidents happen.

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Zippo Jamsarni, who came all the way from South Africa to realise his dream of being in the STC. He smashed all the training with ease but unfortunately was the victim of a fatal accident during a weekend exped.
A witness stated, "I heard him shout Wildebeest stampede!, just before he slithered rapidly out of the tent"
Not a good move to make, seeing as the tent was hanging off the side of the Matterhorn at the time.

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BillyNoMates

War Hero

A brown trouser moment for a visiting
V. I. P.
The king of Transylvania tries his hand at grenade chucking whilst on an official visit to PAINFUL. Lucky for him, it was just a smoke job. We pissed ourselves laughing at the stupid twat and they broke off diplomatic relations with the UK for nigh on 25 years. No great loss. All they're famous for is fucking Dracula.
 
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An ill-considered remark was to have dire consequences for this 17 year old STC Probationer, shown here at the completion of his 12 week stamina trial.
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Medical examinations confirmed that he had plenty of grit yet his score of thirty nine for fortitude left the DS with no option other than his immediate RTU.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Rare photographs of STC support ships.
Rusty, leaky, shit-high floating slums that
no country would even give a second look when they came steaming into port.
Exactly the way we wanted it to be.

1. MV BAGOVSHET
(ex Ukrainian coal carrier)
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2. MV SEATURD
(Converted dredger)
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3. SS ERNEST D. FIGPUCKER II
(ex banana transporter)
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4. RMAS VANDAL
(QRF on station guard ship permanently anchored just off Benidorm. STC dream draft.)
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"Harbour stations, Harbour stations!"
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
"Sometimes, patience is not a virtue"
(Wang Xzu - Battle Strategy during the Ming Dynasty)

LSTC Pat Tester breaks through the floor of St Winifreds infants school to effect the rescue of the fifteen seven year olds that were being held hostage by the schools recently sacked headmaster, 85 year old Reginald Ricketts. The secret tunnel was nine miles long and took Pat almost 12 years to complete. By the time he broke into the classroom, Mr Ricketts had been dead for 10 years, all the kids had left school and were either in full time employment or had emigrated to New Zealand.
The STC decided to use more rapid entry techniques after this somewhat embarrassing rescue attempt.


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"Where'd everybody go?"
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Yours Truly, modelling what I thought was going to be the new STC "incognito mask"
However the joke was on me when I realised that there were two additional holes on the top (for legs to fit through).
The "eye holes" were designed to keep ones testicles cool and the "mouth hole" was for ease of access to one's penis to urinate. It's actually Charlie "Crabby" Hummers new style cold weather underpants. I thought it smelled a little off.

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I got my revenge on Charlie by filling his sleeping bag with rattlesnakes when we were on exercises with elements of Delta Force in Yuma, USA.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
STC(Chaplain) Judas Boghammer as a young, morbidly obese teenager. He saw an image of Jesus in a giant jar of Nutella and changed his ways. Using incredible willpower he shed 30 stone in weight and joined the RN as a submarine padre. It was from here that he volunteered for STC duties. Passing all aspects of training - he became the only padre to take confession, marry people and kill others whilst giving them their last rites.
Always wore the same t-shirt when away doing "certain things".

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"Love thine enemy after thou battereth them with blunt objects"

(from a J. Boghammer Christmas Day sermon in the Pol Pot multi-faith room HMS PAINFUL)
 

Sumo

War Hero
STC(Chaplain) Judas Boghammer as a young, morbidly obese teenager. He saw an image of Jesus in a giant jar of Nutella and changed his ways. Using incredible willpower he shed 30 stone in weight and joined the RN as a submarine padre. It was from here that he volunteered for STC duties. Passing all aspects of training - he became the only padre to take confession, marry people and kill others whilst giving them their last rites.
Always wore the same t-shirt when away doing "certain things".

View attachment 40937View attachment 40938
View attachment 40939

"Love thine enemy after thou battereth them with blunt objects"

(from a J. Boghammer Christmas Day sermon in the Pol Pot multi-faith room HMS PAINFUL)
Did he leave any dieting tips? Asking for a friend.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Polar bear terrorises Anchorage inhabitants.

PO(STC) Ernest Wibble pictured in Anchorage municipality Alaska, moments before he leapt on to the Polar bears back and rode it out of town. He was awarded the freedom of the city and a free 24 hour pass to Madam Kunutchukwakmutts Ethnic Eskimo whore house.


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