Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Taloolah, Sep 22, 2008.

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  1. A ditty sent to me.....all fellas be warned !


    Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
    husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically
    telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a
    suggestion: 'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece
    of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds'

    Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in
    front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. 'How long will this
    take?' I asked.

    'They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies. I
    stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my
    breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'

    Without missing a beat he says 'Worked for your arse, didn't it?'

    He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again
    although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw. :threaten:

    Stupid, stupid man . :thumright:
  2. Well there is always John Wayne toilet paper....Izal Medicated

    ....takes no shit from anyone.
  3. I remember having to BATHE in Izal disinfectant when I was a wee boy because I had dozens of boils, then they used Boracic acid. The Izal toilet paper used to be great as cheap tracing paper but not too nice used as the manufacturers intended! :biggrin:
  4. It's was a lot better than the Daily Mirror or The News of the World cut into squares and hung on a bit of string. We were poor in those days! :sad1:
  5. Maybe but we always had something to read when taking a dump :w00t:
  6. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    Its where the reading on the loo habit started, no page 3 pics in those days though :dwarf:
  7. In days of old,
    when Knights we bold,
    And paper had not yet been invented.
    They wiped their arse
    with blades of grass
    And walked away contended.

    Compliments of me old Granny :thumright:
  8. Taloolah, I know that women can be sensitive about their figures, but wasn't your reaction a bit OTT? Who is now going to cut the grass, carry the shopping and do the handyman bits around the house, or 1001 other things for which husbands can be useful?
  9. Awwww, Crabman :'A ditty sent to me' remember......not my handiwork.

    ..'1001 other things'....oh boyohboyohboy! Can we concentrate on those ??!!! :clap: :glomp: :glomp:
  10. Wow Taloolah, a brilliant ditty,

    Ah memories IZAL, as a young 'un I managed sustain a nasty paper cut through this product. tears in my eyes and I couln't ride my tricycle for nearly 2 weeks!!

    Is it still available? Methinks it could be used as a weapon of (m)ass destruction....
  11. Old navy......

    ..if you were shore based, six or so sheets of IM soaked in warm water, wipe over windows with wet IM and leave to dry, polish to leave windows gleaming for Cap'ns rounds :w00t:
  12. You didn't have to be poor. That's all that was available. Far worse was the parcel capable brown paper that was in general use AFTER the war!

    PS. Pusser's toilet paper circa 1952 was great for lifting the grease film from consomme prior to a wardroom mess dinner!

  13. Yep, they still make the stuff...heaven alone knows who buys it though..
  14. Izal ,it was always referred to as Admiralty Brown in my day.
  15. Yes, but at least the News of the Screws is SOFTER than Izal.... :bball: I remember using The Sun for loo paper when I did my silver DofE exped: twas all it was and still is, fit for. It's the closest any naked female has got to my aarse! :twisted:

  16. about the naked Daily Male then Steve???? :thumright:

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