The Jump

#1
My mate was in the armed forces and taking his first parachute jump,he said "when I got to the door I couldn't jump". The huge instructor unzipped his fly and drops out 14" and says 'If you don't jump you're gonna get this right up your arse." I said, 'Did you jump?' He said, 'A bit, when it first went in.'.
 
#2
A bloke comes home from work to find his wife crying on the sofa "What's the matter love?" "Our son has been sent home from school for having sex with his teacher, you'll have to speak to him!" Up stairs he goes to speak to his 14 year old boy, secretly proud of him. "Your mum's quite upset son but I understand, will you be doing it again?"
"I might dad, when my arse stops hurting!"
 
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