The Grim Reapers day off.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by BillyNoMates, Mar 29, 2014.

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  1. Harking back over the many decades that I've survived on planet Earth, I
    got to thinking (and remembering) all the daft stuff I did when I was in short
    trousers. A near-miss that I recall could have resulted in my
    early demise - but The Grim Reaper must've had a make and mend on the
    day in question.

    Prior to one 5th of November (i.e. Bonfire Night) - we (a.k.a. *The Gang*)
    had built the mandatory bonfire and stuck up on the side of it was a rather
    large roll of linoleum. Feeling somewhat brave - I thought it would be a great
    idea to climb into it and slide through it to the bottom...bit like a tunnel of
    doom. Anyway off I goes - gets in the lino roll at the top and slips out of sight,
    only to get jammed in tight half way down. I'm yelling for help when what d'you
    know....a rival mob from the other estate come charging in and as they
    do (as we would).....they happily set our bonfire ablaze and scarper. Everyone
    has by now fu***d off, leaving me wedged inside this roll of linoleum on the
    side of what I presume would become my funeral pyre. I'm rocking and rolling,
    smoke is filling up my tube of death, but eventually I managed to tip the fu**er
    off the side of the inferno and sort of rolled myself across the field and half way
    down the street until some bloke caught sight of this smouldering roll of floor
    covering...heard the howling from within and cut through the string that was
    holding it together. Out rolls I - blackened, hot and coughing my guts up, but
    e-v-e-r so happy to be alive. This scary event probably took place in about
    1964-1965'ish near as I can remember - and much like all fearless, dumb
    Dare Devils of the day....there are many other cunning stunts that could have
    well cancelled my membership to the living along the way. You lot must have
    stared Death in the face as young whipper-snappers as well so let's hear your
    own tales of foolish fun'n'frolics that came close to boxing you up.

    * * * * * *
  2. I had friends who had dads that were into shooting. So many were the times we'd 'borrow' a few 12 bore cartridges, cut them open and 'make things' with the interiors!

    Also, remember the bangers we used to get - the real loud almost thunderflash type ones? Did anyone else hold them in your hand when they went off? No, I'm not nuts! If you gripped them REALLY tight, then the blast went out the top and bottom. If you held them loose, or panicked, then it was a different story.

    How did we survive?
  3. One hundred and eighty!

    I was out in the back yard chucking me dads plastic flighted darts into the air - trying to make them stick into the concrete floor when all of a sudden, two of the darts went missing. I was a bit worried because I thought they had gone over the wall. So I toddled off indoors and me mum went ballistic - pointing at me and shouting and stuff. Seems that these two darts were firmly embedded in the top of my head and I hadn't felt a thing. Too excited playing the "Dart Bomb Game" I suppose. She yanked them out and covered the holes with a big elastoplast and sent me back out again. Such fun.
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  4. That would seem to explain quite a lot Billy....:headbang:
  5. [​IMG]

    "The fuckin' dog threw it dad.........honest!"
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  6. Drunken tuk tuk racing through Madras during rush hour and carrying out light jackstay personnel RASs between vehicles at 30mph, is probably one of the most dangerous things I've done.

    Literally so drunk I could barely stand but somehow I managed to repeatedly clamber onto the roof of a moving tuk tuk and jump off into another tuk tuk, while swerving through traffic.

    Drunkenly shimmying up a drainpipe into a 4th floor window comes a close second.
  7. Up in N Wales where I grew up there was a railway bridge, the brick walls at the top were removed and replaced with metal panels. As young (ffing idiots) we used to walk along the outside of the panels utilising the few inches of brick as a walkway and the top of the metal panels as a handhold! When a train went under we would lift feet and hang only by our fingertips!

    Makes me go cold now when I think of it and can't believe non of us ever fell?

    Ships Cat: Yes, it was the Wrexham to Bidston line.

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    Last edited: Mar 29, 2014
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  8. (granny)

    (granny) Book Reviewer

    In 1946 I found my Dads service revolver in the dressing table drawer. Lo and behold it had the bullets alongside it. I loaded one bullet into the chamber, pointed the gun out of the window, and down the street, and proceeded to pull the trigger 5 times.
    I was 13 and , of course, knew all about guns !!! Now when I think back I scare myself thinking what might have happened. Not only to a potential victim nor to myself, but also to Dad for leaving the revolver where he did.
  9. Jumped out first floor window with my Dads golfing umbrella as 'parachute'.broken legs x 2...:knob:
  10. To boldly go where no kid has gone before.


    When we knew nowt about much and the North Sea was a great place to pump raw poo into - the place I lived in had a bloody great long shite-pipe that emptied itself at the end of the beach. Kid curiousity sort of takes over and me and my pals decide to go and explore it. Clad in swimming cozzies knitted lovingly by our mums, sod all on our feet and clutching boxes of matches nicked from our dads coat pockets we lift up the big lid on the end and clamber inside. Fucking "CLANG!!!!". The lid slams shut and unaware of the peril we'd just put ourselves we goes (hunkered down) up the pipe - striking matches as we go. Naturally you can imagine the aroma within this barnacle encrusted discharge pipe but on we shuffle...wading through large brown lumps, washed along in a river of piss and 1960's style sanitary towels. Methane? What's that? Bubonic Plague? Never heard of it. We was brave explorers and nowt was going to stop us....hang on - there's a frightening rumbling coming from up ahead....strike another match then! As it fizzled into life we see a full bore of water bearing down on us. Shit! (literally). Every couple of hours or so, the pumping station whacks a shed load of water through this pipe as a way of stopping the back flow from the North Sea, and this one was coming for us. We disappear under a broiling mass of sludge and toilet paper and are swept along to the way we came in. Luckily, the water hit the door before we hit the door and all three of us get battered out of the pipe and we smack into the beach (it was low tide...that's how we got in). Bloodied, stinking and all upset 'cos we'd lost our precious boxes of matches we immediately decided to have another go at it on Sunday after dinner. How the fuck did we stay healthy?
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2014
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  11. Being brave kids in the rural community we tied a rope to the branch of a tree that grew on a bank above a busy'B' road. We then took turns to swing out over the road above passing cars scaring the shit out of the occupants. One of us lads had caught polio as an infant and wore a leg iron, he was cruelly nicknamed (and to this day still is) 'Hoppy', When his turn came, good old Hoppy took one hell of a swing out over the road and went smacking straight into the front of the Baker's van, breaking his leg and bending his caliper all shapes! We all thought it was fucking hilarious, but for some reason the Baker, the Ambulance man and Hoppy's Mum didn't see the funny side at all. No sense of humour some people!

  12. When I was at school I went on these French exchange trips. Over there at that time you could get "Petards", Chinese bangers, the dare was who would strip off the least amount of layers of the thing at one half, hold it and set it off. your fingers didnt half sting after. How Ive still all my fingers/still alive I dont know.

    If they had Youtube when I was 12 this could have been me, if my Dad had known he d have killed me
  13. I come from an Army town and us lads found some old pipes that if you stuck one end in the ground, dropped a lit banger down it and the followed it with a marble you had a quality mortar.

    Behind the Army barracks there were woods and fields so we used to set up our mortars and aim for the squaddies barrack windows or the vehicle park to see what damage we could do before legging it into the woods.

    We had to stop after one "attack" brought forth armed pongos as it was 1970 and NI was getting heated and the Guards in the barracks had just come back from tour and were not happy bunnies.
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