The French - Assorted Thoughts

#1
"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these
drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by
prostitutes." Mark Twain.

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one
behind me." General George S. Patton.

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your
accordion." Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure" Jacques Chirac,
President of France "As far as France is concerned, you're right." Rush
Limbaugh,

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is
sitting in Paris sipping coffee." Regis Philbin.

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any
better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit
outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more
stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't
know." P.J O'Rourke (1989).

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the
1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the
face for it." John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona.

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he
hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French,
people." Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get
Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of
France either" Jay Leno.

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into
Paris under a German flag." David Letterman

Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada.
Ted Nugent.

War without France would be like ... uh .. World War II. Anon.

"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that
says 'First Iraq, then France.'" Tom Brokaw.

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its
national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the
Nazis?" Dennis Miller.

"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when
they needed us." Alan Kent

"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for
an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and
a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." Argus Hamilton

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being
advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot.
Dropped once.'" Rep. Roy Blunt (MO)

Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if
you are French.

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered
the city in WWII? A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not
known, it's never been tried." Rep. R. Blount (MO)

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII?
And that's because it was raining." John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the
London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to
Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and
Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent
fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling
their military.
 
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