The flunky

#85
Things have changed then ... But Where / Whot is "Tiger Tiger"????????????
I got mistaken for a lassie in the Tiger Tiger in Aberdeen once. Luckily after the second handjob he cottoned on and left me alone.

I used to work in a supermarket called NISA which was a fucking great flunky job.
It was run by a dodgy Pakistani family/gang. We moved all the stock around in trolleys they'd stolen from other supermarkets (you could see where they'd hammered the £1 bit) and on a Thursday Uncle Ahmed would turn up in his Bentley and we'd unload the stock from his boot.
As the managers normally left around midday to go kneecap fuckers in Dundee the supervisor and I would spend most afternoons watching stupid videos on Youtube and eating 'broken' stock.
One day I refused to sell booze to these two jakey pricks who couldn't stand. They hung around for an hour waiting for me to finish. I was a bit edgy about the whole situation until my boss handed me a knuckle duster and told me to grow a pair. We also had a communal area with the Clinton's Cards next door. Their manager was a right bitch, constantly going on about the state we would leave the area in. One day we were out there throwing fag ends at cans when we heard a voice asking for help from the Clinton's roof. The dozy mare had gone up on the roof for reasons and had let the door shut behind her. We gave her the wanker sign and left her up there for an hour before telling the staff next door where she was. Surprisingly she stopped complaining after that.

And then our fun all ended as it turned out the owners hadn't paid any rent on the shop the entire time it had been open. :(
 
#89
Back to my mountain bike mechanic job. I'm also convinced with the benefit of hindsight, that this was the best job I've ever had.

Despite the chad pay, I spent every day sat on my arse carrying out easy fixes. When that got tiresome, I would drive around the holiday park on a quad looking awesome, coming to the rescue of idiots who can't work out how to change a gear. Two of the other lads and I had a parts scam going which again topped up our meagre pay and we used to cover for each other when we bunked off to **** whichever female colleague liked us that week.

The staff parties were on the epic scale of things. Every worker from every department crammed into the glitzy holiday park disco and given cheap booze. No wonder teen pregnancy is so rife in Cumbria.

And so it turns full circle.

Its been 18 months now since I've had a proper job, as mentioned before, I do a bit in the pub which is mega and I can sort of lay claim to being a farmer, but on the whole, I'm getting pretty bored. Money isn't a problem some tidy property investments and some businesses that manage themselves have that covered, I just need something to do during the day.

Now I've tried a few things to keep busy including extreme amounts of running and hillwalking - like twice a day for the past 6 months - but it's just not enough. I considered getting a real job again, my CV is bang tidy but there isn't much up here that really appeals, managing the local dog food factory isn't really for me. I considered college or uni, but it needs to be cost effective so thats out of the window. As some of you know, I even joined the RNR, but that has turned out to be a complete pile of shit, the less said about that the better.

So what to do?

Time for a doss job that involves serious amounts of fun, free scran, a massive staff discount, spa, swimming pool and the opportunity to max up my outdoor instruction quals.

That's right kids, I've just applied to be a watersports instructor on slightly more than minimum wage (not that kind of watersports Blackrat) at Center Parcs. The very same place that Monty used to spend his days mountain biking all those years ago.

Wish me luck, I'm a winner.

It's possible I might have been drinking, but I'm sure this is a good idea.
 
G

guestm

Guest
#90
And so it turns full circle.

Its been 18 months now since I've had a proper job, as mentioned before, I do a bit in the pub which is mega and I can sort of lay claim to being a farmer, but on the whole, I'm getting pretty bored. Money isn't a problem some tidy property investments and some businesses that manage themselves have that covered, I just need something to do during the day.

Now I've tried a few things to keep busy including extreme amounts of running and hillwalking - like twice a day for the past 6 months - but it's just not enough. I considered getting a real job again, my CV is bang tidy but there isn't much up here that really appeals, managing the local dog food factory isn't really for me. I considered college or uni, but it needs to be cost effective so thats out of the window. As some of you know, I even joined the RNR, but that has turned out to be a complete pile of shit, the less said about that the better.

So what to do?

Time for a doss job that involves serious amounts of fun, free scran, a massive staff discount, spa, swimming pool and the opportunity to max up my outdoor instruction quals.

That's right kids, I've just applied to be a watersports instructor on slightly more than minimum wage (not that kind of watersports Blackrat) at Center Parcs. The very same place that Monty used to spend his days mountain biking all those years ago.

Wish me luck, I'm a winner.

It's possible I might have been drinking, but I'm sure this is a good idea.
I'm not going to lie to you mate, if money is no object and you give fucks totalling zero, working there is fucking hilarious. You'll love it. Only problem is they don't have Segways.

Wait! NOW THEY FUCKING HAVE SEGWAYS!

Segway | Whinfell Forest | Center Parcs
 
#91
Fucking yes!

Segway! Hooooooooo!

Apparently there is fencing too, I sense a new sport, Segway sword fighting / jousting.

This is gonna be fucking ace.
 
#93
Who's MPL?

Another shit job I had was driving around the Lakes filling up cigarette machines. This job did have the bonus of free fags and getting pally with just about every landlord in the county. On the downside I had to go to West Cumbria occasionally.
the downside for you being you had to head back to Carlisle :pottytrain1:
 
#94
****ing yes!

Segway! Hooooooooo!

Apparently there is fencing too, I sense a new sport, Segway sword fighting / jousting.

This is gonna be ****ing ace.
You had to say the F word didn't you! Even the thought of fencing brings me out in a cold sweat its not the banging in the post that does my head in although the post rammer does make my ears ring ... its the hi tensile steel wire that tries to poke your eye out at every opportunity! That and the Segway aka Fergie TED20 little grey tractor gets stuck in the mud!
 
#95
Alas, looks like Segway jousting won't be happening anytime soon.

Someone's just offered me a proper job, looks like I'll have to wear a suit to work again and start shaving.

On the plus side, I can afford my own fleet of Segways now.
 

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