After MLP fessing up to this:
It got me thinking about all the shite minimum wage jobs I've done in the past to earn a crust or two.
Before I became awesome, my illustrious career included the following degrading, badly paid, gash jobs, which I am proud to add to my CV:
Marshal at a Go-Kart track - This role basically entailed being run over and abused by drunken stag do wankers. The upside was that I got to drive go-karts around and piss about. Unfortunately this small amount of joy was by far eclipsed by the fact that I would spend most of my shifts having my ankles driven into at 40 mph and having to break up fights between testosterone filled chavs.
Occasionally I would get revenge and put a little oil on the track, I also once let off a Co2 fire extinguisher in someone's face, telling them their kart was on fire. The other lads I worked with where generally the sort who where destined for a career fitting tyres in Kwikfit or spending time at Her Majesty's pleasure for stealing Citroen Saxos. I didn't really fit in and felt a bit out of my comfort zone. I joined the mob straight from this job and didn't even bother to tell them I was leaving, I just didn't turn up one day.
Conference & Banqueting Assistant - For some reason, despite breaking every employment law on the planet and employing 13 year olds, the owners of the hotel I worked at decided that having mere waiters was beneath them, this meant that everyone got a Gucci job title. Basically I was a waiter, but not the good sort who comes to your table and writes down your order and gets tips, no, I was the gash kind who walks around at wedding receptions, topping up your wine glass and collecting empties at the bar.
I'm still unsure whether this was the best or the worst job I've ever had. The money was a little more than minimum wage and the hours where long, however the hotel employed a lot of hot girls, mostly filthy foreigners, I also got fed and would invariably end up drinking or stealing any left over booze after the weddings. The average shift could go one of two ways; I'd either end up getting smashed on Champagne, having a cheeky fumble with a Spanish waitress (sorry...I mean C&B assistant) and going home with a stolen case of wine, or I'd end up laying tables for hours followed by being verbally abused by middle aged fat blokes, who were at a golfing conference.
Eventually, because I stuck it out and put up with a lot of shit, I was given a small pay rise and some minor responsibility, I could also swap my bow tie for a normal one, which made me look a lot less like a cunt. Generally this meant more Spanish waitresses to finger and I could delegate the shit jobs to people I didn't like. Unfortunately it also meant I would be held accountable for ruining someone's wedding, which I did, on a variety of occasions. After months of taking the piss, stealing booze, getting my mate to clock me in when I wasn't there and generally acting the cunt, I was 'persuaded' to leave by the management.
What gash jobs have you done to get by?
It got me thinking about all the shite minimum wage jobs I've done in the past to earn a crust or two.
Before I became awesome, my illustrious career included the following degrading, badly paid, gash jobs, which I am proud to add to my CV:
Marshal at a Go-Kart track - This role basically entailed being run over and abused by drunken stag do wankers. The upside was that I got to drive go-karts around and piss about. Unfortunately this small amount of joy was by far eclipsed by the fact that I would spend most of my shifts having my ankles driven into at 40 mph and having to break up fights between testosterone filled chavs.
Occasionally I would get revenge and put a little oil on the track, I also once let off a Co2 fire extinguisher in someone's face, telling them their kart was on fire. The other lads I worked with where generally the sort who where destined for a career fitting tyres in Kwikfit or spending time at Her Majesty's pleasure for stealing Citroen Saxos. I didn't really fit in and felt a bit out of my comfort zone. I joined the mob straight from this job and didn't even bother to tell them I was leaving, I just didn't turn up one day.
Conference & Banqueting Assistant - For some reason, despite breaking every employment law on the planet and employing 13 year olds, the owners of the hotel I worked at decided that having mere waiters was beneath them, this meant that everyone got a Gucci job title. Basically I was a waiter, but not the good sort who comes to your table and writes down your order and gets tips, no, I was the gash kind who walks around at wedding receptions, topping up your wine glass and collecting empties at the bar.
I'm still unsure whether this was the best or the worst job I've ever had. The money was a little more than minimum wage and the hours where long, however the hotel employed a lot of hot girls, mostly filthy foreigners, I also got fed and would invariably end up drinking or stealing any left over booze after the weddings. The average shift could go one of two ways; I'd either end up getting smashed on Champagne, having a cheeky fumble with a Spanish waitress (sorry...I mean C&B assistant) and going home with a stolen case of wine, or I'd end up laying tables for hours followed by being verbally abused by middle aged fat blokes, who were at a golfing conference.
Eventually, because I stuck it out and put up with a lot of shit, I was given a small pay rise and some minor responsibility, I could also swap my bow tie for a normal one, which made me look a lot less like a cunt. Generally this meant more Spanish waitresses to finger and I could delegate the shit jobs to people I didn't like. Unfortunately it also meant I would be held accountable for ruining someone's wedding, which I did, on a variety of occasions. After months of taking the piss, stealing booze, getting my mate to clock me in when I wasn't there and generally acting the cunt, I was 'persuaded' to leave by the management.
What gash jobs have you done to get by?
ukeright: 
