The Diamond Lil's Literary Awards

Following the recent success,not to mention the excitement, of the Diamond Lil's Oscars,it is time already for the Literary awards and I get to go first hahahahahahaha.

This year the prize will go to the best short story and there is only one category "Outrageous". So here goes,please join in and outrage someone near and dear to us.

Moomie sat on uncle xRD's lap as he wriggled a bit.Due to the hot weather she had gone commando for the day ....hmmm lets start again

Pilot sat on uncle Hig's lap as he wriggled a bit.Due to the hot weather she had gone commando for the day."Uncle Hig ,she said ,it is that time of month and " "Quiet girl " said uncle Hig " It was more a blow j......naw lets try again

Maddie sat On uncle Monty's lap as he wriggled a bit.Due to the hot weather she had .......naw lets try again.

Uncles Ron and Luke sat on all the other wimmin as they wriggled a bit.Due to the hot weather they had gone commando for the day....................

Just then Uncle 4 heard the unmistakable sound of twin dwarfs knocking on the door...........
Nails sat on Thingy's lap and wriggled about a bit. Even though it was a hot day, Nails still had no chance of being a commando. Thingy said "when you're man enough to grow a beard and join the Navy as a stoker, I might be interested".
Myriah was desperately seeking a lap to sit on as this going commando business had left her nether regions a tad chilly.The first one she sat on was too hard and knobbly,the second was absolute shite .nothing there at all,prolly a nun in disguise but the third one was just right . "Can I sit here for a while please 4" she said " Of course my dear "said 4 , " I don't have to go MILFing for an hour or 2 yet".And so at least one lady had found lappyness
And so Myriah sat on 4's lap for a while, and 4 regaled her with his favourite cnut's tricks. These included the "flaming quiche", where you take a dump and wrap it in tin foil. Then you place it on someone's doorstep and set fire to it, and ring the doorbell. The door is answered and the occupant finds a small fire at his door! And then he tries to stamp out the flaming wrapped up shite and what happens? splat !, it goes everywhere. Myriah that night dreamed about this and was so titillated by it, she swamped.
When she awoke she found herself sitting between Uncle Hig and Dunkers, her feet resting on 4to8's bum and her head situated somewhere warm between Rod Gearing's legs, being given mouth to mouth as part of the Roddy Kissing Etiquette Course. Dondon and Slim looked on dreamily, hoping for a bit of the action whilst Thingy ordered a false beard and some evostick to assist Nails in his ambition (though he did not know it yet) of cultivating face fungus that would make even God jealous.

Maxi entered the messdeck where they were all being educated, onboard HMS Cornwall. In her SRs mess they were perusing a strange photograph of a footie team the ships company sponsored, apparently. All the lesbian footballers were commando.

Hello chaps! said he, for it was the famous submariner hero, Maximus 77, DSO. Would anyone like to do something really exciting?
Caroanybelly tied her chihuahua to the hitching rail and walked into Lil's.She dropped her drawers and assumed the position in the hope that one of the regulars would whip her a crippler as it had been a long night on the mountain.Horny as hell she was as the damn dog had been nibbling at her growler every chance it got.Just then the doors burst open and in came DrZ. " Bollocks said C,I was hoping that it was a man come to ravish me and all I get is this,whats a dwarf got to do to get stuffed in this story,this is outrageous"
Meanwhile somewhere below decks an overgrown supermouse who had grown fat after guzzling on Mars Bars, called Whitemouse, was rolling a large wooden barrel of something tasty and alcholic across the deck to his cabin: a comfy kit locker whose owner had yet to retrieve the PT kit he'd deposited there six months earlier. Suddenlt from nowhere he spotted in the corner of his beady eye a hairy matelot ascending a nearby ladder.

It's OK, said the Whitemouse to himself, it's only Thingy.

But then two muscular arms appeared and a face gripping a wheel spanner between its teeth. It was Uncle Albert, who'd completed circumnavigating the globe in his whaler, HMS Pork Sword, and was now settling down to life as the messdeck nozzer.

Oi, that's MINE! bellowed UA, and grabbed the barrel of rum from the eager paws of the supermouse and migrated back to the Stokers Grot, a dark, eerie place scented with the heady aroma of swarfega, grease, sweat and the gas produced after eating beef korma.

Noooooooo! squeeked the Whitemouse, and scurried off with the Mars Bar that had been hiding in UA's trousers, firmly clasped between his teeth. UA would not notice it was missing until his next visit to Lil's. Nuff said.
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