The Dhobi-bucket list

#1
Yeah I know, I know. It's been done before. But with the way the world is right now, I thought
it might be a good idea to go mad, let loose and list half a dozen insane things that you wouldn't
mind having a go at before it all goes to shit.

Let us begin.

1. Find out which pub Jason Statham uses as his local when he's in the UK, wait until he's
there having a few wets with his mates, go in and amble over to the action movie super
star and say in a loud and threatening manner;
"Oy baldie! You just spilled my fu**ing pint!"

2. Hang-glide naked over any seaside resort at the height of the Summer season with a cork
hammered into my pucker having previously dined on nothing but undercooked
chicken korma and prunes for a fortnight.

3. Learn sufficient I.T. hacking skills to be able to crash Facebook for a week and then watch
as most of the human race goes fu**ing apeshit.

4. Go on a grouse shoot on some wealthy twats estate armed with a Vulcan Phalanx/Goalkeeper
minigun system mounted on the back of a LWB Landrover.

5. Drive a vintage 1960's steam-roller through the Houses of Parliament during Prime ministers
question time.

6. And finally - bone the living daylights out of Michelle Keegan (that's if I'm still alive after tackling
item number 1).

* * * * * *
 
#2
I'd like to be able to have access to a program that allows to send a spike down e-mail addresses so that every spamming/hacking/ virus spreading twat's computer melts down.

I'd also like a speedy armoured car to smash into every Ford Fiesta owning, bass speakers at max chat, tracky and baseball cap wearing chav and clear the roads (and civilisation) of the vermin. In fact Scorpions were quite nippy on the road if IIRC. Plus you could chase them down across fields if they went on foot as they were tracked. I'm selling myself on this one, I can't think of a down side at the moment.
 

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