The day I caught my dad cracking one off

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by stan_the_man, Jan 17, 2011.

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  1. Took my little black hound for a walk this morning he stopped and started licking his little red lipstick and I suddenly had a flashback about my long dead old man.
    Stans attendance record at school wasn't the best in the world and as usual I legged it back home after ma and pa left for work, big plans to go fishing better than fcuking math and RE so getting my gear together finding some luncheon meat for the big Chub and Barbel in the Ribble I looked out the window to see my old man coming down the street.
    I knew he would kick ten bells out of me so I legged it upstairs and don't ask me why but I hid in the wardrobe in mum and dads bedroom. Fcuk me I hadn't been there 5 mins when dads gets into bed and starts cracking one off with a wank mag from under the matress.
    What the fcuk do you do I was shaking like a shitting dog I mean he would have kicked fcuk out of me for skipping school but catching him having a wank - well they would never find my body.
    You guys ever caught your parents doing anything disgusting?? anything anal would make my day;-P
     
  2. All I can offer is my old man catching me.
    He was supposed to be on a 2 until 10 shift, so I came home in the afternoon with this bird. We gets down to it and I'm diggin out like a Niga and he puts his head round the door. I thought frig it and carried on. When we gets downstairs he says"Seems you two like each other, hope you are protected, I ain't bringing up any strays.
    He winked, I grinned and she blushed, then ditched me. Oh dear.:)
     
  3. As a youngish teenager, I remember wanting to go into my dad's loft to look at a guitar that was up there. I kept asking the old man if he would go up and get it down for me, so I could see if it was worth doing up. He kept saying he'd do it later and eventually I got pissed off, I offered to get it myself but he kept saying I couldn't for various reasons i.e. it was dangerous (to be fair it was, there is no ladder and you have to stand on the bannister), or I wouldn't be able to find the guitar etc. etc.

    When he wasn't looking I decided to go up there anyway and climbed up. Inside I found an Aladdin's cave of porn (well not really, about three or four tatty copies of Mayfair) it was then that I realised why he wouldn't let me go up. He caught me as I was climbing back down and we exchanged knowing glances with him mentioning something like, ''oh yeah, I should probably throw those old magazines away.''

    The guitar was fucked and ended up in the bin.
     
  4. Did a spitroast with my younger brother and some bint after 10 pints of Boddingtons, mum and dad were always protective of me when I was home on leave so knowing they would be listening for me and my Bro's footsteps on the stairs I gave the bint a piggyback up to the bedroom she caught us 3 next morning no black pudding or fried mushrooms for breaky but lots of shit eating grins between me and younger Bro.
     
  5. Readers letters were on brown paper in the middle pages of Mayfair cracked many a good wank not realising it was some old wrinkled biddy writing them
     
  6. I heard mine rip of a few, does that do it for ya :)
     
  7. Found 5 Fiesta readers wives in the area 25 - 5 years since, 1 WH Smiths ,1 in Barclays, 1 at the Onestop, 1 at the main Post Office and 1 a client 8O o_O
     
  8. Toots my horn shippers you sounded pretty anal to me
     
  9. Heard about a guy who was cracking one off in his bedroom. When he finished he found a cup of tea on his bedside locker that his mum had left for him. He never even knew that she had entered his bedroom.
     
  10. That sounds like a confession to me just like "it's not for me, it's for my mate"
     
  11. As if..........
     
  12. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    1987, HMS Bristol, 3P "Zoo" Tas Mess: cleaning up for Chefs, which included the tiny Heads next door, with the single cubicle.

    Knocked on the locked door a couple of times, but no response. Eager to finish the cleaning, I stepped up to see who was inside...

    Baby Tiff from 4R Mess, wearing a Pusser's wire hanger around his head like a tricorn hat, with the hook bend down. On which was the centrespread pull out from a fourth hand "Reader's Wives" grot mag, and he was clearly enjoying the experience.

    Did I spare his embarrassment? Of course not - I went next door to the Mess and got the rest of the lads to come and have a look!! :twisted:
     
  13. I have never caught my dad cracking one off, I have always known he is a fcuking wanker.:-D:hello1:
    But I have been caught a few times.
     

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